Want to guess what I’m doing?  I’m looking up enema’s on Ebay (yeah, like you really guessed that!). 

 

As I was strolling through the public library a couple of days ago, I spotted Kevin Trudeau’s book The Weight Loss Cure.  Recognize the name?  Trudeau is the guy that does those infomercials about natural cures that the MAN doesn’t want you to know.  I’m a sucker for any sort of fringe cure or theory.  I love reading them, but most of the time, they’re bull.  This book pretty much falls into that category.  I really don’t doubt that you’d lose weight on this diet.  I’m convinced.

 

Why?  For 30 days, you get a colonic every other day.  You drink tons of water, and walk for an hour each day.  You eat tons of raw organic fruit and drink buckets of different herbal teas while adding probiotics and you cleanse your heavy metals and liver.  No less than 16 pages are devoted to Phase 1 of 4.  I think most people would agree that if you ate nothing but whole, un-processed organic food and had your bowels flushed constantly, you’d lose some weight.  Still, like I said, I’m a sucker for this stuff, and I’d probably actually try it if it didn’t cost a gazillion dollars for the tons of supplements and weird teas and stuff. 

 

In Phase 2, you start sticking yourself with large needles full of Hcg.  It kind of makes sense in some way I suppose.  If Hcg supports pregnancy, my question becomes, “Does it break down the fat to support the “faux pregnancy” you’re creating with the drugs?”  I think that’s Trudeau’s theory essentially although he never says so.  Apparently, Hcg is also used by body builders for the same kinds of purposes.  I don’t know if I could go that far to lose weight.  Most of the book is repetitive seller jargon.  I got a tickle out of it from a psychologist’s perspective especially when he suggested Dianetics.  As much as Mr. Cruise might have against the psychology profession, every time I see any info on Dianetics it sounds suspiciously like different psychological theories being put to work by the untrained.  To each his own, I say.

 

My weight hit a plateau a while back (just like those weebles…it wobbles but it won’t fall down).  Marriage has made me a health slob.  When I got married I was walking 2 miles a day, lifting 10lb. weights in short reps and doing the Greer Childers’ BodyFlex workout every day (I HIGHLY recommend it…it’s kind of old-fashioned, but it works…I will definitely try the Shapely Secrets the first chance I get), and I was Somersizing (Suzanne Somers’ diet using food combining with an Atkins effect…I also recommend it, and it passed the test with a health professor of mine out of Texas A&M…but it’s hard to do as a vegetarian…I can only eat so much cheese and eggs, and I could never really get any answers about beans…protein or grain?  hard to say).  In other words, I was about as healthy as a morbidly obese person could be.  I have felt nothing but unhealthy since the gastric bypass.  Yes, it worked (I lost over 200 lbs in a year).  But the nature of my gastric bypass meant that I puked constantly and had a hard time keeping down yogurt.  Until about 6 months ago, I couldn’t think about a salad; there was no way it would stay down.  The last 6 months seem to have turned around somewhat.  I can eat vegetables and rice in small amounts (about what a fasting toddler would eat…Naudia has eaten me under the table many times), and yesterday (this part is very exciting! so hold on to your snood), I ate all of a 6 inch Subway veggie delight over about an hour (it was nearly 2pm and I hadn’t eaten all day…but still, yay!).  It’s been more than 2 years, but I’m finally feeling like I can go back to being the healthy me. 

 

I’m putting getting back into my original routine on my to-do list for September.  I’m sure Pascal will adore the long walks, and M. will revile the veggies!  So it’s a win-win. 

 

Have ya’ll tried anything that worked?