I am so bored without M. here. He’s been gone so long I actually MISS HIM! Now, that’s a feat! He didn’t call yesterday. So, I finally called him at 10:30 last night. He was peeing on some back street in New Orleans (I’m sure he’s not the first). They’ve finally let him do some patrols. I feel for you N.O.
If we hear a big noise in the house in the middle of the night, he tells ME to go find out what it was. I realize I’m far scarier than he is, but MAN UP! I guess I’m old-fashioned in that way. Ok, in most ways. Anyone who thinks the women’s movement didn’t really change woman’s lot in life has never been married. The changes have seeped into our national subconscious. My favorite example of this: an ADT commercial where the husband hears a noise and goes downstairs to investigate when a masked robber breaks in the door…he races upstairs where the children join the husband and wife in bed…he’s cowering with the children in his arms and she’s calmly answering the ADT call to get the police.
Then again, just when you think we’ve changed, you turn on TLC to discover Toddlers and Tiaras. If you missed it, you should just start kicking yourself now! In fact, self flagellation should be on your itinerary daily! Just get out that cat o’ nine tails you hide under the bed and get with it. It, like many pageant shows, is at once frightening and spellbinding. I’m genuinely shocked that the chubby kid, Bella, won Supreme Queen of the Holy Sequins (or something to that effect). Not that she isn’t a cute kid, but (ok this will sound really catty…you must see the show to appreciate it) the hideousness of the outfits, particularly the cut-down, imitation of a light blue Elvis cape she wore for the talent portion was downright scary. I refuse to speak of that dark fuzzy blue sequined get up she had on; it looked like Barney had given birth. Bella just wasn’t that good at it either. I mean the disturbing kid who wanted to win $700 so she could get a cow was far more impressive in her pageant creepiness (I honestly believe that the judges just sit there and wait to see either who is more creepy or whose sequins blind them the most). Did I mention that her fake teeth cost $700? That’s not counting the cost of the spray tanning and the 3 pageant outfits with the requisite bows and sequins and lace. Karlee, who will forever be that cow kid in my mind, could have had a herd of cows by now! She could be the Donald Trump of cows by now! Actually, it was hard to choose which was creepier: the flippers (fake teeth), the spray tans, the bouffant hair dos, or the mothers (last night I had a nightmare that Ginger was wearing a bouffant…obviously I shouldn’t do blow while watching TLC).
I vote for the mothers. The mother from Jackson, MS was the queen of these (right next to creepy cow girl’s mummy). When her youngest pageant child, Aja (I’m pretty sure someone just mispronounced Asia when they named her…or maybe they don’t spell in Mississippi…lowest literacy rates in the country…I’m just sayin’), freaked out and began crying, the cameras thoughtfully (thanks camera guy with no sense of conscience or guilt) captured her berating her child by threatening to take away her jewelry, makeup and pretty dress and telling her that she wouldn’t be a Princess anymore. OMG! The therapy that child will need! I don’t know if I can ever erase the look of sheer terror in Aja’s eyes as the poor child stumbled across the stage after her mother’s machinations. It kind of makes those rumors that Shirley Temple’s mother made her smoke to keep her small a little more believable. I’m pretty sure Aja’s mommy would have grabbed a rubber hose if she’d had room to pack one in the minivan full of sequins.
That said the babies…ADORABLE! Maybe there should be a rule that once your child can form full sentences, you can’t parade them like prize pigs…or prize cows (wuuu…giant creepy thought…what if Karlee just wants the cow so she can put bows on it and parade it around? can you get flippers for cows? EEEEEKKK! save the cows!)?
Ok, your turn! Confess! Do you secretly long to put fake teeth and bows on living creatures? Are you planning to spray tan a cow?
I have to admit that when E was a baby he looked like a living doll. Seriously, fat cheekes, perfect complection, and eyes that you could get lost in. I know I am his mom but I am telling the truth. I wanted to enter him in “little mister” (our town). His father was totally against it so I did not get to but he would have won BY A LANDSLIDE. I don’t feel like I would ever be one of those moms though. I am pretty laid back. I am certain I will not know what to do if I have a little girly girl who wants tutus and stuff. I will make adjustments of course…but if she wants soccar and t-ball and definately ok with that.
Um…no. I don’t get the pageant stuff. We don’t really relish that stuff north of the Mason-Dixon line.
And as for dressing up dogs or cows or whatever. I have to just roll my eyes. People have too much time on their hands or money to blow through.
I once bought a bomber jacket for my previous dog (blog guardian on my blog) and held him down long enough to get it on him. I swear the dog had a seizure and fought his way out of it in about 3 seconds flat. I never made him wear it again, but it was seriously funny.
Why am I not watching this show? Oh my hells!
I secretly enjoy dressing up the Bulldog, but only because she looks so freakin’ ridiculous in a pink hoody. True fact.
ah, if i had a dollar for every time i peed on a new orleans street…..
I was at my mom’s this morning, and she now has a miniature Yorkie. I SOOOOOOO want to buy it a Halloween outfit. I figure it’s just as squirmy as my kids are when getting dressed, so it shouldn’t be a problem. Now, I have to go internet shopping.
Well, now I have to get a bouffant wig for halloween. Right now my biggest desire is to kick my English professor’s ass.
I personally would kill anyone who came near my kids with spray tan or sequins. Dress up in one thing, competition to see who can look the most grown up is sick.
Wow – I haven’t seen that show but I’m sure if I did I’d be cringing all the way through and never be able to watch it again. Those shows get me too worked up.
I can’t do the pageant stuff. I like to dress Sissy up, but not too much because she is a filthy little thing. She gets sooo dirty eating and playing, it’s not even funny.
The show sounds…. unbelievable. Might have to hunt that one down for ONE viewing.
I have two huge German Shepherds. They just don’t make the cutsie, doggie clothes that big!!
They need a Lane Bryant for dogs–now there’s a niche!
OK I gotta watch that show
I think Lola would be fly in some tattooed lipliner, but I can’t get her to hold still. When she was about 6 months old I got her the cutest poncho. She promptly wriggled it down her body and made it a skirt. (Um, Lola’s not my kid, btw…she’s a Yorkie.)
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