Ho bath, that’s the ticket!

I’m not here.  Remember that!  Don’t tell anyone!  We’re ripping out the shower at Brian’s and that means that in a few days I will no longer be bi-parish/county.  I’ll be in Deridder full time!  W00t!  No more traveling constantly back and forth.  Just the nice slow routine of the retired and the disabled to look forward to.  That sounds like absolute heaven!  I do so love a routine.  Sad, I know.  But, I totally do!  Unfortunately, in order to get there I have to go through hell first.  I have to go pack 28 plus years of brik-a-brak.  

We’re hoping that by Monday it will all be over with, but since Paladin is retiring today, everything on all fronts is a shambles!  Paladin’s retirement pay is screwed up already and we’re having to juggle to get everything paid especially Mull.  That’s the last person you want to have to short.  I’ll sell my blood before we’ll delay that payment!  She’s already started crap this week and we don’t even have the kids until Friday.  She had Bell calling up at 7 am on Saturday morning begging to keep this stray dog she’d found.  No way.  We already have Sally, Sam, Pascal and a cat.  Plus, Brian has his brother’s dog and a cat.  We’re starting to look like a rescue shelter as it is.  Oh wait, I forgot.  We’ve killed all their pets.  I’m not sure if Mull’s plan was to just aggravate us with that one or to see if Paladin would confirm that Sally and Sam are still alive.  Poor Paladin, he hates telling the kids “no” about anything especially when his daughter’s on the phone pleading, “But they’ll kill it at a shelter and he’s really cute.”  Oh how I wish there were a pill to eliminate the guilt complex for a few hours!  I got on the phone and told her, “If you ‘taught’ this dog to sit and stay in 10 minutes, it’s probably someone’s dog that they’ve lost; and, if not, then you need to take it to the shelter at the end of our street which is a ‘no kill shelter’.”  Ok, so I said it nicer than that, but there was no way that was going to happen.  The last thing we need is an attack of “just one more” syndrome.  That’s how you get 5 kids in the first place!  But, it didn’t keep Paladin from wringing his hands for hours because he had to disappoint her.  I can’t even blame Mull too much because she was just playing her usual game; it was a no-lose for her.  However, Bell is 16 and she was playing her own version of the guilt game just hoping that she’d play the odds and win.  That sickens me a little bit.  I know A LOT of people who play that game their whole lives, but I really didn’t want to see her be one of them.

You’d think that I’d be ranting about having to glue the plumbing pipe to the new shower twice or spilling the pipe primer on my newly laid vinyl floor (fyi, no, bright purple does not blend into faux sand beige rocks…grrr..) or the 10 zucchini that I picked in the first 2 days of harvesting them (which means I’m already drowning in zucchini that’s waiting to be canned or frozen and that there will be TONS more to follow) or ripping out walls and carrying heavy ass handicap accessible showers over half the countryside.  Oh yeah, that’s what I’m supposed to be doing.  I think I hear screaming.  I’d better go.  Monday, I left them alone to put up a wall and Will hit Dave in the head with a 4lb. sledge hammer!  It’s a good thing we have exceptionally hard heads in our family!  lol Ron, why didn’t you remind me of the horrors of home improvement!?!  Oh well at least Paladin and I are beating the ‘renovation leading to divorce’ statistics.  We can’t get a divorce over home renovation, but I guess we could break up over it.  Hmmm…we are divorcing other people though; so maybe that’s just getting it out of our systems?  (speaking of divorce, why have I had more contact with M.’s family in the last 3 weeks than I had in the entire 3 YEARS we were married???  WTH? I don’t want him to get rolled by ho’s either but that doesn’t mean I’m going to take him back…and wasn’t I that bitch he was supposed to be getting away from?) At least our renovation seems unlikely to break Paladin and I since we were putting up paneling and making out after each piece went up correctly.  Don’t try to figure out how much kissing that is because much like my measurements it will probably be just a tad off.  As Paladin has learned to say, “Moulding will fix it.”  But, it won’t keep the Brothers from taking the sledge hammer to MY head if I don’t go help take out that shower!  I better get with it.   Hopefully the next time you see me online, it will be for a long relaxed stay.  Byes!

 

P.S.- I sucked it up and deleted at least a few of those blogroll slackers (mostly the big names that have gotten too big to keep up with little ol’ me…I’m happy for their blog success, but I’m done advertising for them unless they start showing up here again).  I don’t know if I’m done deleting yet.  Some of those are going to get a second chance in the coming weeks.  I can’t blame them for not coming to see mine when I’m not going to there’s as often as I’d like, right?  Or, I’m too soft hearted.  Oy.  Life.