Just because they thought of it first…

Doesn’t mean that I won’t rearrange your face, Paladin.  Nah, I’m just kidding.    I haven’t wanted to rearrange your face all week.

We ended up staying an extra day in San Antonio, and you should really be glad.  Otherwise, I definitely would have ended up offending some Texans.  The entire blog would have sounded like, “@#$%^& Texas @#$%^&*.”  What is with the giant green “Crossover” signs every 10 seconds and only posting a “Blank Town 23 miles” sign when you hit said town?  Are they afraid you’ll actually find the town?  It’s like baby steps across Texas.  Actually, I didn’t blame Texas so much as Paladin and I having entirely different ways of driving long hauls.  I drive like a trucker: in the middle of the night and taking the easiest route.  Paladin drives like a tourist: hunched over the wheel ready to scream at the rush hour traffic in downtown Houston.  There’s a sight that’s embedded in my brain now.  Well, that and him calling the other drivers “ass monkey” every third of a mile or so.  Next time, we do it my way.  Sorry, hon, but we just are. 

And we’ll be doing it come November.  After the initial drive over, we were going to stick to the shuttle from Ft. Polk, but that’s before they decided to rearrange Paladin’s face and put in silicone implants.  Nah, he’s not getting boobs…which is good because that would be weird.  He doesn’t like me playing with his man boobs as it is.  Earlier this year, Dr. H put a fat extraction into his vocal chords to make it easier for him to talk.  It worked really well but Paladin lost much of it because of coughing and it’s not a permanent solution anyhow.  This time they’re going with silicone which should mean that other than a follow up visit we won’t have to be at Ft. Sam Houston every few months. 

Ft. Sam Houston is small but it’s a nice enough place.  This visit let me scout out what there is that’s nearby and convenient considering that chances are I won’t try to drive in San Antonio traffic much at all.  They have a beautiful WFSC facility (Army for family center) where you can checkout books and videos; they have a full kitchen; and people donate a lot of small items like toys, toothbrushes, coffee, games, etc. for the families of recovering soldiers.  As with any major military medical facility (the base is small but it partners with the Air Force hospital), there are a lot of Afghanistan and Iraq vets.  I think I may try to bring over some puzzles and things to donate myself.  I’m already planning to visit the equestrian center there on base.  I’m so tempted to do the horseback riding, but its been aeons since I did that.  The visit is going to be long and rough on Paladin, but we should have time for just a little R&R between the two surgeries.

That’s right, two.  I vaguely remember Paladin telling me that they wanted to reconstruct his face when he was there last time.  He wasn’t interested.  Who can blame him?  He’s been cut on enough for 3 lifetimes.  This time Dr. H didn’t give him time to argue he just called in Dr. Chinwithitsownzipcode.  What’s up with a plastic surgeon who looks like a caricature of Kirk Douglas or Mr. Bottomtooth from Family Guy? 

 

At any rate, they are going to do it this time.  They’re using the muscle near his temple to attach to his mouth (aka a mid-face lift like all the contestants on Extreme Makeover used to get).  The result is that he will be able to smile, in a very Mona Lisa fashion, by gritting his teeth.  They’re moving some stuff in his left eye around too which means he’s going to be miserable for the first week we’re there.  If it had been me, I’d have let them do the forehead lift too, but he refused.  Heck, I kept wanting to ask if they’d slip me some Botox on the side since they seemed so eager.  As it is, they’ve been nice enough to arrange it so that he’ll get the face lift just before the weekend and then get the vocal chord implant a little over a week later.  That keeps us from having to go back and forth to San Antonio at first, but after the implant surgery, we’ll go home and come back a week later.  Right in the middle of the holidays.    It’s going to be a rough November.

If ya’ll have any tips on getting around in San Antonio or any cool spots to check out, tell me all about them! 

I picked up a ton of those tourist leaflets, but the truth is that I’m a lousy tourist.  Most of that junk just isn’t all that interesting and it’s there just to get you to spend money.  I’d much rather hit some superb bargain hunting spots or flea markets.  But, I am pretty determined to try to do one of the Ghost Tours of the downtown/Alamo area.  Apparently, 2 of the 3 tour companies have a Sharks vs. Jets style rivalry going.  So, I’ll take #3 if given the chance.  Why would you advertise your rivalry?  Don’t you know that people aren’t going to care enough to listen to the whole “I really AM working on Ghost Hunters International and he’s a big doodoo head” crap?  Ok, so I won’t get to use actual ghost hunting equipment if I skip ya’ll, but I’ll live. 

All in all, it was a good trip.  Sure, most of it was spent shuffling around to appointments, but we spent so much time talking and doing our therapy homework.  It was great to be able to be together without everything else in the world on top of us.  I think it proved what I’d said to Dr. Mark on our first visit.  Most people hear our story and they think, “24/7 together?  I’d go nuts too.  Get away from each other!”  But, the truth is that we need more time together.  We’ve tried going out to dinner alone and whatnot, but a couple of hours isn’t enough for me to relax much less in a crowded restaurant.  We need to be just me and him and not me, him, Brian, kids, family, friends, internet, fleas.  Yeah, fleas.  We hadn’t gotten inside the gate when Brian rolled out to tell us we had a flea infestation.  It’s fixed now but it sucked coming home to more crap even if it was minor crap.  We need to be newlyweds before we end up on that Newlywed: Nearly Dead tv show.  I think the homework is starting to pinpoint some areas that need work that hadn’t occured to anyone initially and that’s great but scary in a way.  It’s hard to get used to someone as they are and suddenly see that who they are may change dramatically in the coming months whether that change is emotional or physical.  We talked to Paladin’s Dad last night and I told him about Paladin talking to him and then calling me and telling me that things between us were over.  The poor guy was like, “WHAT?  All I said was take some time apart to figure things out.”  You really have to watch what you say sometimes around here.  Paladin and I have been two downed electrical lines for months now.  San Antonio gave us a break where we only had to take care of each other.  I know it won’t be as nice come November, but at least we’ll have a bit of a breather.

I better shuffle off to see ya’ll now.  Byes!

 

P.S.- Tabitha, if you saw a fat gal with a giant ass with blond braids near the hospital last week that was probably me!    If she was walking with a guy with a psycho beard and jean shorts, it was definitely us!  lol

 Oh, and we did stop at Buc-ee’s.  Like I said, I’ll take the truckers.  The place was way overpriced and I didn’t see anything especially friendly about it much less any celebrity sightings.