Archive for October, 2008

Felony love

I don’t actually have a lot to post about these days. M. is being relatively well behaved (especially since I’m never around him…what with the car situation negating my need to spend over an hour a day sitting beside him). The car is still a giant pain because my spies say that the mechanic hasn’t done jack…he hasn’t even pulled it into the shop despite telling us that they were starting to tear it down! Work is good, and Jon seems to have moved on to new ho’s (WHEW!). The Ken debacle is well behind me (I’m up to nearly $30K on Myyearbook…heehee….yes! I KNOW it’s a sickness! lol and, yes, I AM that kinky!) thanks to the gentlemen below:

The latest contenders in the “Who will get to date Honeywine next?” challenge are interesting… lol

First, we have Gigantor (yes, I’m well aware of my previous rant concerning overly friendly males online). Gigantor and I were talking online and having a perfectly normal conversation when he said something like, “Are you squeamish?” Hmmm… I am so naive that I actually didn’t catch on to what he was talking about. After a few minutes, he mentioned pictures and I realized he was trying to show me something…dirty. But, hey, he could string words together well enough to make semi-complete sentences; so, I let it pass. I just told him I was on dial-up and couldn’t see pics easily which is true (they take up to 10 minutes to come through!). We kept talking and after a few minutes I noticed his icon had changed. Wanna guess why I call him Gigantor? lol Yeahhh…intimidator might also be a good name. Scary! Anyhoo…we’ve talked off and on besides including on the phone last night. Nothing much to report in his favor actually (well…except for the obvious…and for me that is neither here nor there…have I ever told ya’ll about the guy that…nah…that wouldn’t be blog appropriate…let’s just say the measurement included half his leg, but he could work what the good Lord give him…Honeywine’s past dating life was always worth a story, but I think I’ve forgotten most of them). He has just broken up with his childhood sweetheart after living together for nearly 2 yrs. He has 2…count ’em…2…ex-wives and a child with each. He moved in with his parents after the break-up with his sweetheart, and is about to be made permanent with a big commercial construction company. Not a lot in his favor, but we’ll probably go out and see if I can stand him. Yeah, doesn’t really sound like I’m banking on it, does it?

Second, we have Shorty. I LIKE him! He’s smart, funny, and forms COMPLETE sentences that are even grammatically correct (or at least as much as mine are). He works off-shore which means he does 2 weeks on the job and then gets 2 weeks off; he just started his shift yesterday but he’s already asked me out for when he’s off work. His job is actually a techy kind of thing with computers and he was big into the dot com thing back when it went bust. He has a couple of not-so-great things about him though. He is only 5’4″ and I’m 5’8″ or so. Back in my dating past life, I dated a guy who was about 2 inches shorter than me, and I’ll admit, the kissing was awkward. His other negative is that he has had a vasectomy which he quickly pointed out to me for no reason. *sigh* Unfortunately, it seems that my not having kids is of great concern to men these days. I guess they think I’m going to hold them down and start extracting man juice against their will. Oy vey! Not that it hasn’t crossed my mind! lol But I’m trying to keep my felony charges to a minimum. 🙂

There is another guy, but he’s not really worth a mention yet. He’s most likely a soldier running game on the ladies, but he keeps my bidding price high and that’s good! Yes! I know, it’s sick! It’s my competitive nature! I can’t help it! Start planning my intervention now.

So that’s all the news that’s fit to report these days! But, don’t worry something is brewing at Brian’s and I am not above gossip! Durrrrr… lol







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What happened to service in this country? I just called the mechanic. He’s had our car since last Thursday, and he says that MAYBE he can get started on it today or tomorrow. Of course, if I didn’t have the cash sitting around to pay him, he’d be done already. Instead, we’ve been borrowing Mr. Ralph’s truck to get from home to work, and we HATE borrowing like that. I’m so glad we work here though. The real problem is M. He missed all but one day of school last week (partially because I had training for days before the car broke down), and now he’s missed 2 more days. Lazy SOB better be keeping up with his work (I used to nudge him to make sure he worked ahead, but without me breathing down his neck, he’s probably just coasting)! He is so out of here the minute he gets back from Japan at the end of January.



In more “How big an idiot is Honeywine?” news… I got pulled into what was at first a seemingly innocent conversation online last night with Brian’s brother Jon (I mean really innocent…as in, how was your first real weekend at work). Yeah…it wasn’t innocent for long. Apparently, his hobby is broadcasting himself performing…uh…let’s just call it “human tricks”…via webcam. I have never been happier to be on dial-up in my life; it was all that saved me from being privy to the show. He just would not take no for an answer, not even when I suggested lawsuits. Man, I hope he forgets all about this by the time he comes back up here. If not, I may have to get Brian to have a talk with him. I am NOT down with the Manjina! I’ve never been that desperate. Though…it would complete the box set of “People I’ve seen naked at work”. LOL Nah….don’t think so!



Along those same lines… What the heck makes men think that messaging someone a vulgar sexual comment will get them anywhere? I’ll tell you what! Some idiotic woman let them do it and messaged them back! Whoever she is, she does a disservice to us all! Nope, sorry…yes it’s huge…now go away…come back when you can do more than grunt and your IQ has quadrupled. Sicko!


I think it’s quite obvious that I’m as freewheeling and kinky as the next girl. Ok, just a tiny bit more. What can I say? I love fantasy. But, just because I lay some cheesy line on you (so, if I said you had a beautiful body, you would hold it against me and do WHAT?  gross!), it doesn’t mean that I’m going to run right over to your place and throw down. Geezzz…buy a gal dinner a couple of times! I’m a third date ho dammit! Let’s class it up a bit out there!


There are a lot of things in this world in need of classing up!  So, how would ya’ll class it up today?

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Insanity? Nope.

Turns out it wasn’t just all in my head…


I’ve officially been dumped…for the FIRST TIME in my life.  I’m not sure if there are stages for being dumped like there are for dying, but if there are, I’m most definitely in the PISSED stage. 


I had a bad feeling a day or so after our date when a gal from Oklahoma was looking at my profile.  What’s that you said Ken?  “Oh don’t worry about those gals online…they’re all way in far away places like OKLAHOMA.”  Ummm…yes…and apparently she holds a lot of sway even from a distance.  Kudos to you, Peggy. 


What was that I said yesterday about men only wanting what they can’t have?  Oh yeah…I forgot to add SCARED SH*TLESS WHEN THERE IS SOMETHING STARING THEM IN THE EYE THAT THEY CAN HAVE! 


Dominatrix isn’t sounding like such a bad deal these days.  As Ginger has told me when I was advising her, I’m REALLY GOOD AT IT.

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Nobody missed it


Because that last post doesn’t and shouldn’t make any sense to anyone but me.  Well…maybe me and Ginger (the best thing in the world about having a best friend is one week you’re holding their hand and the next week they’re holding yours).


I’m in a foul mood.  Yes, I am.  There’s no good reason for it (other than personal insanity and running so hard for months that I’m completely drained). 


In the space of a few days, I’m getting one overall impression from all the men in my life:  Ya’ll only want what you can’t have.  I’m sick of that crap.  Men always complain that women play games.  I call bulls**t on that one.  Ya’ll do it in spades.  I don’t doubt that there is a long list of evil scheming women in the world who give all the come-on lines and never follow through.  So, what happens when we’re not just giving out lines?  We get screwed for real.  I am so over this crap.  I was over it before I got married, and I’m over it now.  The difference is that now I’m becoming jaded (I said “becoming”…I’m trying very hard not to be that bitter divorcee), and I really and truly hate the way that feels.  I’m losing all sense of romance and joy.  It truly sucks.


Last night, M. followed me into my bedroom and threw me down onto the bed kissing me gently.  It was a favorite ploy of his back when we were dating, and he knew how I loved it.  Now, it just makes me cry.  Yes, I sent him away.  No, I’m not going there (because I’d be thinking of someone else…and I just can’t be that person…I never could hide what I felt and up until now I’ve not really wanted to).  M. just seemed to be confused by me not screaming at him for almost a week.  I think that’s why he thought he could do that.  I told him it couldn’t be like that ever again, and he left.  He actually said that he’s still hoping we can do the “open marriage” thing.  No.  We can’t.  Not unless, I become so terribly desperate and despondent that the world turns gray…and I’m not there yet.


 For some reason, men seem to think I’m a dominatrix waiting to happen.  They couldn’t be more wrong.  Do I mind playing that role once in a while for a little extra flavor?  No.  Heck, it can be fun.  But, like those CEO’s that show up at Mistress Randi’s House of Torture on the weekends, those of us that are forced by circumstance to be the “go to guy” who is always left in control of every d**m thing in not only our lives but the lives of those surrounding us, I WANT TO RELINQUISH CONTROL once in a while.  I don’t need to be in control of you too.  I will love you.  I will take care of you.  I will make you proud to be with me.  But I am over trying to “make” you do anything ever.


Logically, I realize that this is a low period in my life, and that it will pass.  I still believe that the Universe is holding me back because the right thing is coming.  It’s all going to be alright in the end, but today, I feel like I’m an inch away from drowning.  And, no, it doesn’t have much to do with Ken or Joe or even M.; it’s about me.


I know.  None of this makes for a coherent post, but hey, it’s a post!  And since I have no idea when I will become coherent again, it’s the best I can do. 


P.S.- The car is in the shop, and should be fixed early in the week.  M. has missed a lot of school, but it can’t be helped.  And, hey, my saving every paycheck since I started made sure that we can afford it.  I’m back at square one again…and again…and again…


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Not hoe…ho…

To whom it may concern:


Although I may be rambunctious, a little flirty (ok, a lot flirty), and know more than I should about certain “lifestyle” choices, I am not…I repeat…NOT a ho. 


Thank you and do come again.

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Today, I got to Ken’s place a little late.  The car had started making a suspicious noise just as I pulled up his street, but since he’s a mechanic, I went ahead and pulled in.  Ken was waiting at the door nervously.  I came in and sat down and we talked like two old friends for about 4 or 5 hours.  It was all very free, easy, and un-pressured.  Dammit all! 


I was doing my best “hey baby, why you all over there” smile.  He was smiling back and fidgeting, but nada.  Finally, as I was leaving I said, “I can’t believe you haven’t even tried anything; it’s very hard on a girl’s ego.”  He laughed and reminded me that I had told him something about “keeping our hands to ourselves”.  Ahhh…I did indeed tell him that.  The other day we had been on the phone and getting a little…errr…free (it wasn’t really naughty talk but it could have gone there fast).  I realized the next day that he might be thinking I was a bit loose, and I told him that I was going to come to his place for a VISIT…not a DELIVERY.  Of course, I forgot that soldiers are very good at taking orders!  Arrrggghhh!!!!!  All was forgiven a few minutes after I’d left his place when a text message came through with just a few words, “missing you already.”  When I talked to him tonight, I told him that it was all well and good, but that I’d be sure and write him up some proper “orders” next time.  lol 


Unfortunately, my day went downhill after that.  I managed to make it to the car dealership only to be told that my beloved Breeze has finally popped its transmission.  😦  Fortunately, I have just enough cash to probably pull off a new transmission.  So, it’s going to be a week of catching rides and hoping, but I’m just going to be crossing my fingers and trying to make it work.  But, it does put a dampener on my running about for a few days.  Then again, car trouble has provided me with many posts!  And, maybe I can even catch up with ya’ll!  🙂


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Yesterday was my first official training session for my job (even though I’ve been working under the table for Brian for 2 mos.).  In true Honeywine fashion, I promptly spewed a Dr. Pepper all over the lobby!  Yep, I hadn’t been in the door 5 seconds.  Oh well, I guess that’s one way to make yourself memorable.  Being 45 minutes early because I figured on school traffic and because I stopped at Walmart on the way to find smaller jeans probably also helped.  Either way, I felt extra special…mostly Special Olympics special.  🙂


I learned several things:


·        I should stop patting Brian on the head (which is a shame because it’s my favorite way to annoy him).

·        I shouldn’t call Brian a retard or a crip (I guess that makes him a Blood  🙂  ).

·        I can’t turn on his porn dvd’s…but I CAN watch them with him (seriously…I am NOT telling him this…I’ve already been flashed!…and no, I have no idea why this is in the curriculum).

·        I shouldn’t try to dress Brian up as the Robocop prototype for Halloween (btw, Brian laughed his a$$ off when I told him all these things…I am so glad he has a sense of humor…I know he hates not being as mobile as he was before his accident, but I know when to listen and I know when to make him laugh…and he especially loves it because I’m not afraid to “go there”).

·        I’m not sure who should be more embarrassed: me for having a Master’s degree in a class full of people who barely graduated high school or the instructor for not being able to pronounce subcutaneous or anti-coagulant (she also continually pronounced “origin” or-i-j-een both days…very nice lady…lovely person…but seriously, she teaches this class every month).



Anyhow, I’ll put down my discombobulated Monday to having only 4 hours of sleep because Ken and I stayed on the phone until after midnight Sunday night.  He was all giggly and perky.  We rambled while he downloaded songs to his Myyearbook page.  It was a little like Name That Tune.  Lol Unfortunately, he loves Toby Keith (pretty much all soldiers do), and I hate Toby Keith (I can’t stand pandering to make a buck)!  Ken just laughed and threatened to make me watch Nascar (yeah, right, buddy…I’ve seen cars run in circles, thanks).  It’s amazing what comes up when you’re tucked into bed with all the lights off such as what to do with wedding rings (his is in the sands of Iraq…my original gold band hasn’t been worn since I caught M. cheating…I did wear my newer wedding set after that, but I’ve always considered that plain gold band my wedding ring and even when it didn’t fit after my weight loss, I wore it daily…I don’t think M. ever noticed when I stopped wearing it) and how much children can remind you of other people (Olivia has blond hair…Ken’s hair was brown and her mother’s hair was black…Ken told me this in a very “fishing” type of way as though he wanted my opinion or was trying to tell me something…me thinks someone has doubts about paternity…I know it doesn’t matter to him though…he loves her more than life).  I’ve been trying to remember if M. and I ever talked like that.  I know we must have, but I honestly don’t remember much about it.  These funny little late night talks are the best thing about dating.  I do know I never laughed as much with Joe or M.  That’s one more for the pro-Ken file.


Tomorrow, I’m supposed to be having breakfast with Ken at his place.  It’s our first face-to-face.  Eeekk!  I know what to expect though:  a wet man!  Lol  He will be getting back from PT (I hate Army acronyms…Ken laughs every time I remind him that I spent 18 mos. as an active duty Army wife and did my best to learn NOTHING!).  So, he’ll be jumping in the shower first thing while I “have a seat at the kitchen table and have some coffee” (his words).  Other than that and picking some greens out of his garden (a gift he’s sending Mom)…  Heh…stay tuned!!!


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