Archive for January 15th, 2009


Teeni gave me an award and a meme!  It’s all about honesty.  I’m pretty sure that if nothing else comes out in this blog, the one thing that does show up time after time is HONESTY.  My one thought on this is, “What haven’t I told ya’ll?”  There can’t be much left!  But there may be a few scraps of info that I’ve held back on.  We shall see!


Here’s how the Honest Scrap award meme works:


The honorees of this award are to: A) first list 10 honest things about yourself – and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep! B) pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.


Ten honest things about me:


1.     I still have serious perfectionism issues.  I know I sound all loosey goosey sometimes, but underneath it all is the same old me that wants everything to line up “just so”.  Paladin doesn’t actually help with this because he’s pretty much the exact same way.  We try to let some things slide and not get too crazy, but occasionally the insanity takes over. 

2.     I’m 36 yrs. old and I’m starting over again and I’m scared by that.  I don’t get scared too often, and it usually doesn’t last.  It’s instability that frightens me more often than not, but this time it’s not instability or even 5 kids thats kicking off my fear response.  My life has been weird enough.  lol  This newly forming union is equal parts of insta-family and insta-retirement complete with Winnebago (Paladin has mentioned traveling the U.S. in an armor plated Winnebago more than once).  What the hell is comforting about that?

3.     I’m racist.  Yes, I am.  It’s a problem that I developed after a bout with an INSANE downstairs neighbor from Guam.  I am not proud of my prejudice in any way.  I know it’s there, and I purposefully do an internal dialogue to remind myself that a gut reaction to a South Seas islander is just the memory of one crazy b**ch.  Unfortunately, from time to time I meet or hear stories about others from that neighbor’s same cultural background which reinforces my prejudice and it makes me wonder if it’s the culture that’s so different or if there is a genuine issue with mental illness (much as there is in my family lol).

4.     I’m also 36 yrs. old and have no real career plans.  I have several pieces of paper which say I be right smart, but only one of them matters to me (I freakin’ earned that Master’s…I actually worked at it, and for me, that’s quite unusual…the Bachelors, being my high school class’ valedictorian, my paralegal certificate were all just me skating by per usual which makes me a little sad…a consistent 3.9 GPA and I wasn’t trying…what if I’d actually tried???).  I’m capable of almost anything (I’ll leave genetic engineering to the experts like Ron), but I honestly do not worry about work and careers.  I’m happy with enough, but I know that my job here will not last forever.  In fact, I will probably be looking for something new before the year is out because “our” house is in Deridder and that’s a 50 mile drive from Brian’s.  It just can’t last.

5.     I don’t LOVE kids.  Allow me to explain.  I find them entertaining.  I respect them.  I genuinely enjoy seeing the world through them.  But, I know how hard they can be to deal with…you know, like people and all.  I’m no Duggar.  So yeah, I have reservations about having FIVE step-children even if they are awesome (which they are…so far). 

6.     I’ve been having a lot of disturbing, nightmarish dreams lately (like shooting some lady and her 2 kids instead of M…then driving through a neighborhood on garbage day where every house has a stroller or crib in the trash before I get to a house where I’m stalking some lady who is charting her fertility…Freud totally rolled over right then).  Of course, it’s no small wonder because I’ve had some underlying anxiety these past months.  I’ve noticed that it seems to disappear the minute I’m with Paladin.  I hope that’s a good sign. 

7.     I have an option to have kids (not Paladin’s…he had a vasectomy and doesn’t want a reversal but he suggested we look into sperm donation…he did this without me ever even bringing up the subject…I hadn’t said anything because early on he had said something about being done with all that…I should have known better…he adores all children…I love him), but I don’t know if I want to.  The biological urge is there, and no, I’m not just talking about my mother’s “are you gonna?” urgings.  But SIX???  Six is a lot of kids, and it is nice to have our time together knowing that we can pick up the 5 kidlets and get our family on when we want to.  But, I do want that child I’ve been working so long to see.  Chances are we’ll try at least a few times, but if Fate doesn’t allow it, then a basketball team will have to be enough.

8.     Alcoholism has been a part of my life since I was a small child, and it affected me deeply forming my personality to a great extent.  Nothing creates instability like alcoholism, and I have never delved deeply into the psychological aspects of my reaction to my father’s alcoholism.  It’s not a stone I want to turn over.  I hope it won’t come back to haunt me someday.

9.     I can’t tie my shoes.  I know “how” to do it, but they won’t stay tied even with a double knot.  So, I make other people do it for me!

10. Sometimes Pascal tries to eat boogers.  Sure, it’s not exactly about me, but as a doggie parent, I fell it reflects badly upon me.  So, I’m owning it.



There we have 10 honest things.  Given a few weeks I could have found some that were more interesting I suppose, but really, my life is pretty banal.  So probably NOT. 


Now for the honorees who are also honest people (so good luck finding new things to be honest about gals!):


Kat at 3 Bedroom Bungalow in Crazy Town;

ETW at Glamorous Life of a Hausfrau;

Alf at I Shot a Man in Reno;

Penelope at It’s me penelope;

Ginger at Names Have Been Changed;

Karen at Smiling Through It All;

Danielle at Life Induces Thoughts, mostly random


 That’s all folks!  🙂  I’m out for today!  Catch ya on the flip side moon doggy!




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