Archive for February, 2009


So sick.  Can’t speak.  Dying now…  Let my dying words be:  Tres Icky…


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I’m actually sitting here avoiding wedding planning. Paladin has given me a budget of $5k. Stop laughing. It’s exactly 12.5 times the budget of my first wedding. If given the option, I will come in WAY UNDER budget. That’s just me. I like things creative, beautiful, and most of all…cheap! But budget talk takes away all the romance of the day.


I was really happy when Paladin liked my ideas. The Extravaganza is almost my perfect wedding. In truth, I’d like it to be near a waterfall under full moonlight and for everyone to ride half a mile on horseback to get to it. I’d like it to be beautiful and desolate and magical. And, if I happened to have Eliza Dushku’s body, that would be even better. Instead, I’ll get something pretty and hopefully people will enjoy themselves eating and playing music or games. It never really lives up to your vision and that’s a bit depressing. I hope by my next wedding they have those virtual reality helmets perfected. Then I can just rent a ton of those and have my dream become a CGI reality.


The whimsy and joy of the idea phase has already given way to the reality of spending the next few months spray painting tree branches in the garage. It’s time to start actually walking through the mundane, “Where do we set up the tables? Can we park 40 cars there? Is a 4 tier cake big enough?” crap. So, today, I’m just not feelin’ it. It makes me want to go to Nottoway (weddings there used to cost $4-6k but you still had to dress everybody and get the cake, booze and favors) and say, “Here, planner person, you do it.”


Sadly, I am not a cookie cutter person and would never be happy with it. The first wedding was cookie cutter enough, and it made me very unhappy to even think about it. I would show you the pictures but the only 3 I have that show any décor or the cake I made for it are so crappy that you can’t tell anything from them (the cake and floral arrangements all look like blobs). It was “nice”…as in it was perfectly ok and most people would have loved to have a wedding like that (especially considering most people in that position just go to the Justice of the Peace and have a thrown together dinner with a sheet cake). I had the big fancy dress which I’d picked up the year before for a Mardi Gras ball that I never went to. He was in his “class A’s” which is the green fancy uniform. We had the best $400 could afford complete with a big buffet (that I got up at 4am to cook) and flower arrangements cobbled together from the Dollar General’s silk flower selection (they were lovely and very Victorian, btw). I went completely Scarlett O’Hara and pulled every lace curtain in my house down to use for pretty table cloths and to drape off the very visible kitchen at my Aunt Jo’s house. The wedding was reminiscent of a WWII era “he’s-off-to-war-leaving-behind-his-bride” to-do probably because that’s what was happening. It was nice. It sucked.


I want more this time. I want special. I want memorable.  And, yeah, I want this body…  Where’s my freakin’ wand!


Eliza Dushku of Buffy, Dollhouse

Eliza Dushku of Buffy, Dollhouse

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Aaaahhh the weekend…was a bit…meh… (btw, excuse the bad formating…I give up…tomorrow’s will be on my computer and have the benefit of MS Word).

I do believe this weekend was the longest on record.  It began at 5:30pm on Friday and ended at nearly 6pm Sunday…not that I was counting the hours…just the minutes.  I enjoy having these kids but about 35 hours spent as a human jungle gym can get to anybody.  It wasn’t bad though.

As Paladin put it, the cat’s out of the bag.  The minute Savvy saw me she immediately assumed that we were getting married and having a baby (despite the fact that my ring definitely doesn’t look like an engagement ring and that she literally hadn’t come inside the house yet).  Gee…wonder why’d she’d think like that (Paladin’s jacked up equipment notwithstanding)?  Well, it didn’t take long to find out.  Savvy said a few things which made it clear that Mull taking them to church is having an effect upon her.  Paladin did a little digging and Martian told him that one reason she’s behaving better lately is because she wants to go to Heaven.  A.  I’m scared.  THIS IS GOOD??? And, B. I am SO good with it.  I am a firm believer in doing whatever works.  Heck…I’ll tell her, “Jesus’ll spit on ya if’n ya ain’t good!” if that’s what it takes!  Paladin, however, is a staunch Agnostic with Atheistic overtones as in “I don’t believe there is a God, but I can’t prove it (wth? oh well, live and let live).”  He was heading toward irrate particularly after Savvy told him that God put the baby in Mom’s belly.  My answer to him and later to him and Bell, “What else is she going to tell them?” (“Mom’s a ho?” I added that when I was just talking to him about it).  Bell defended the church even though she shares Paladin’s religious views.  It sounds like one of the new fun/cool churches which works hard to be half Chucky Cheese and half temple of the divine (that does bug me a little…church is supposed to be a holy time and treated with a great deal of pomp and respect in my book…I know, it’s an old-fashioned idea, but that’s what church should be in my book…even if it doesn’t get young butts in the pews).  So I had a few conversations with him over the weekend about how the kids going to church is not a bad thing and that there could be far worse things.  Hey, I figure with a ho for a mama they need all the religion they can get.  And, as I pointed out to him, he spent much of his formative years sitting in a pew and it didn’t hurt him any.  At some point, people make their own religious choices, and if Savvy should become a Holy Roller (as we’d put it in the South), he should be glad she chose Christianity with which to become obsessive and not something which might be very detrimental to her…like Hello Kitty.
When I wasn’t talking to Paladin about religion’s effect upon children (and I use that term loosely since he ranted and I sat there), I was bonding with Bell and even Martian.  That was cool.  We’ve been dating for nearly 3 months and this is the first time the two oldest kids picked their heads up long enough to notice I was in the room really.  Bell and I headed off to Walmart in search of diapers for Indy (Mull forgot diapers for her and a coat for Blondie *sigh* at least they had pajamas this time) and she talked non-stop about nonsense.  lol  I just nodded and interjected the occasional comment.  And you men thought you had a lock on that technique!  Ha!  Bell picked up some neon pink stirrup tights and some neon green fishnets.  She’s a bit of a Goth/punk wannabe, but hey, she thinks she’s hardcore and what do I know about today’s youth?  Nada!  That’s what.  So, I helped her make a bracelet out of a bike chain.  She was still wearing the tiara from Blondies birthday, and I offered up my spray in pink hair color stuff.  She looked very cool and the pink hair matched her pink tights which she’d cut up into arm warmers with slits.  Then I wrangled her an extra couple of hours out with her friends (though she didn’t know I had anything to do with it…I definitely am playing the Switzerland card where the kids are concerned…if Paladin asks my opinion, I say “it’s not my place, but…” and I don’t want the kids to know I have any say where they are concerned because I don’t really…I make suggestions…it’s up to their parents to parent them).  Martian talked to me like twice which may be a record for him.  In general, he’s lost in an RPG, and I let him talk about whatever game he’s playing and just try not to bug him too much.  This time we actually all sat and had dinner and breakfast together a couple of times, and Martian seemed to especially enjoy it.  He just doesn’t talk much to anybody and his scant conversations with me seem to indicate that I’m ok in his book.  🙂

Have I mentioned that I actually like these kids?  I do…even Savvy.  Although the more time I spend with her the more I’m convinced that there is a need for medication there.  For the record, I’m largely against medicating kids.  I feel that too many children are medicated to deal with behavior issues, but her behavior goes beyond simply being difficult.  She is incredibly disrespectful to every creature around her including animals (she hit their dog Sally this weekend…not hard, but still…so much for Paladin’s theory that she’d never hurt an animal  😦 )  We did work the time-out thing and the counting, and Paladin actually pulled it off.  I was thankful and impressed and I let him know it which actually made him a little sore.  He has no faith in my parenting either, but we both got a new appreciation for each other this weekend.  I could not be happier about it even though he did pull the whole “you just have a dog, but nothing against that because it’s ok for my infertile step-mother” thing up again.  One of these days that’s going to get his ass kicked.  He should be very thankful I am no longer on the Evil Clomid.  I’ve tried to warn him off that subject a few times but he persists occasionally.  One of these days, I’m going to lose it and scream, “YOU JUST DON’T GET IT, BREEDER!”  Anyhoo, the time-out was not exactly what I’d call effective since it didn’t put an end to her disrespectful behavior by any stretch of the imagination or even improve her behavior any.  But, it did show her that we mean business.  I’m hoping that over time she can become more manageable less because of the time-outs than because of the little things I’ve been interjecting like:  The best-behaved person at the table gets served first.  She’s far too used to being catered to because they’ve been greasing the squeaky wheel.  Ehh, life’s a process, right?

Although I appreciate Seraphim’s warning about exes and pics of the kids (and I really do…I’m going to consider making them password protected in the future…but Paladin doesn’t know how to get to the blog much less Mull..not that I care either way…let’s just say there’s something in the works there but I don’t want to talk about it just yet), I’m still sharing these because:  A. They are cute.  B. They show what you can do with 2 rolls of pink streamers and 2 coffee filters.  And, C. There’s not one thing on this blog that I wouldn’t say in a court of law or to Mull’s face.  So, here’s Blondie’s little do:

Instant light candle chain= mushroom cloud!

Instant light candle chain= mushroom cloud!

Last minute decor  :(

Last minute decor 😦



And Indy discovering that our bedside lamps are “touch lamps”:  100_0024.

As I was writing this, Paladin called to ask me if the kids had left their blocks here.  Mull wanted to know if she could come by and pick them up.  I laughed because before he’d even told me that she’d asked “if there was anyone here so she could get them” I’d told him she was obviously fishing.  Martian took the blocks himself, and we’re pretty careful to make sure they don’t forget anything because I’m big on organization where kids are concerned.  I told him that Martian had taken the blocks but to tell her to pop by for a cup of coffee.  He called back a second ago.  She declined.  It seems she prefers the passive-aggressive thing to actually standing up and being an adult.  I’m guessing this is pretty scary for her.  Up until recently, Paladin was still willing to put their marriage back together just for the sake of the kids (as he did when Mull became pregnant with Indy by some Army Private).  It’s hard to realize that you’ve lost your back-up plan, and I’m sure that she’s concerned that Paladin may want more custody time especially since I’m sticking around despite her having sent Savvy to us Friday with a belly full of Fun Dip (aka Kool-Aid eaten off a stick made of pressed sugar).  I actually do feel for her in a way.  And, no I’m not being a beyotch when I say that.  I know I’m hard on her, but I sincerely hope that she cleans up her act.  She can’t be too much of a bad mother to have such decent kids.  It would be far better for all concerned if she was more careful in her personal life.  One can only cross their fingers and hope.  Life’s going to be two things:  interesting and surprising!

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The lovely Danielle at Life Induces Thoughts, Mostly Random gave me an award!  🙂 



It makes me want to actually open a lemonade stand, but then I remember how pathetic…and quite possibly extremely creepy…that would make me. 


Truthfully, today I don’t feel like making lemons into lemonade.  I would, however, like some nice juicy ones to cut in half and throw at some people.  I have to say that most of you who read this blog don’t come off as all Pollyanna.  Thank, the gods!!!  This makes it hard to choose who to give the award.  So, the first 5 commenters get it!  Hey, maybe someone will even delurk!  Though after reading the search engine terms, I hope many of you stay lurked.  A lot of you want to be spanked.  Yikes. 


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Pray for me!


This weekend is round two with the kids and it’s already starting off with a bang.  First, Bell has already asked if her boyfriend can come over, and Paladin agreed because there’s no better birth control than 3 sisters and a brother!  Second, Mull called up and told Paladin (or asked…hell if I know…not like I’m in that loop  😦  ) that she’s bringing the kids after school on Friday and will pick them up sometime Sunday afternoon.  Then Paladin told me he had ordered a cake and picked up some party stuff for Blondie because her birthday was yesterday (and he was a bit put out that he wasn’t invited to the little family celebration that Mull planned for her), and he was hoping I’d be home in time to put it up since he’ll be at work.  That was all livable.  I’m fine with it.  The problem was that after we talked about that last night, I told Paladin for about the third time that I’m feeling like a second class citizen.  He thinks it’s fine because he discusses this stuff with me.  Unfortunately, he discusses everthing with me after he’s gone over it with everyone BUT ME.  His answer?  “Don’t feel that way.”  Well, too late.  We talked about how to handle the kids and we WILL be talking about it more tonight.  But, I’m not sure he’s hearing me.  I’m going to be on my toes and on the same page with Paladin if it kills him.  I really have my fingers crossed that his time-out method will do the job, and hopefully, with your much appreciated suggestions, we can make this work.  Otherwise, I’m going to go with a “hands off” policy where Savvy is concerned and avoid being alone with her and the other kids like the plague.  I hope it won’t come to that.  😦  I don’t want to be the “evil stepmother” or to just be “that gal that lives in Dad’s bedroom that we have nothing to do with.”


I actually missed the kids last weekend.  The house was really quiet with just the two of us.  Of course, that was probably why Paladin suddenly started talking about how much he disliked being an only child.  I get the feeling that he’d like to have SEVEN kids instead of 5.  Oy!  I dunno how much of his brain they fished out but they might need to put some back!  Or maybe that titanium plate over his left ear is blocking reception!  Two kids for me would be great, but adding two from me to his existing lot is a bit extreme.  As he says to Savvy about 20 times a day, “we’ll see.” 


Speaking of kids, I got a few pics last weekend when they were covered in pizza and Ebola…err…pink eye:


This is my best bud, Indy.  Note the crusty eyeballs.  Icky!




This is one of Savvy and Indy.




This is Paladin knocked out and dead to the world with Savvy pretending to be asleep beside him (or maybe she’s pretending to be dead…I’m not sure…actually I’m not sure about him either…I’ve got to start keeping a hand mirror around).  Indy just wants to play.  How cute is that kid? 




And, this is Blondie who turned 6 yesterday.  She had a front tooth that was trying to come out and it was driving her nuts.  So, being the great caretaker that I am, I told her my horror story about my Uncle Wayne trying unsuccessfully to pull one of my baby teeth with the old string to doorknob method.  She immediately stopped wanting my help with it.  heh heh 




Maybe I’ll get some better pictures of all of them at Blondie’s belated birthday dinner.  Maybe I can even get some when they aren’t covered in snot and pizza…I doubt it…but maybe…











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Monday, Paladin and I finished up killing the clown.  Have I mentioned my hatred of the yellow-orange walls in the new master bedroom?  Here they are in all their clown-puke glory:




I seriously hated that color and not just because it felt like the looming shadow of his ex’s bad taste hanging over me…which it did.  I also hated it because the tone of the orange was just all wrong even though you can’t tell it from the picture.  For me, orange should either be true orange or a deeper dusty version of burnt orange.  Savvy had to tell me all about the orange and how she was there when it was painted (Mull didn’t do crap…surprise, surprise…she just “supervised” and left the masking tape up for infinity…just imagine the streams of curses that are going to fly when I spend a weekend or two trying to scrape that off the molding).  I told her it was ugly and it looked like a clown exploded.  I told ya…I don’t lie to children if I can help it.  I also told them it was going away.  I’ve been quite adamant about this. 


Paladin gave me a little grief about the color.  At first, he pined for blue.  No.  I looked at a couple of cans of gold “oops paint” (the mis-mixed paint that sells for half-price in most paint departments), and he approved.  I didn’t.  I chose “Swallow’s Nest” from Walmart and we picked it up last Friday.  He made a deal with me early on that I could do the master bedroom as I pleased.  I knew that once he saw my style, he would accept that I am Queen of the Decorating and stop making suggestions.  But, first we had to paint the room.  His immediate reaction to the color?  “It looks like baby poop.”  But by the time, all was said and done and I had explained my choice, he loved it.




The picture doesn’t do it justice.  A beautiful neutral is always in style and it always makes the colors around it POP! 


Speaking of beautiful neutrals, I’m pretty sure the room would also go well with our cat, Pyewacket.  Pye is a calico cat (I’m guessing…I don’t know squat about cats) that showed up at my trailer door one night.  She kept hanging around and trying to come inside because she is obviously an indoor cat.  She’s exceptionally sweet and friendly and most importantly, she rolls over for Pascal.  They are like brother and sister and it’s really cute.  Monday night, Paladin, who is a huge cat lover, took Pyewacket out to the Deridder house to live outside in the garage (I’m allergic to cats), and she seems to be doing nicely already.  I am fond of her, but she needs to be there because Dave and Will are huge cat killers.  I’ve spent a month trying to keep them from scaring her to death or actually killing her.  I’m pretty sure it’s only her sweet nature and me that have kept them from murdering her.  Don’t ask me why they don’t like cats because I have no idea.  I’m neutral on the cat subject except for hating having one in the house because I can’t stand an animal on the kitchen counters.  ICK!  But Pye is a beauty…a precarious beauty just like in the movie.





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If you leave the ghetto trailer at 3pm on a Thursday to live at the Deridder house until Monday night at 7pm, are you really spending the weekend or living there more than half-time?  The trailer is starting to feel like a visiting center.  I show up to do laundry, repack for Deridder, and work before I leave again.  Unfortunately, when I am here at work, I get maybe an afternoon or two when Manjina isn’t around to blog…if I’m very, very lucky.  Yes, this is my computer, but I’m not big on hanging out with horny men in bedrooms unless I plan to screw them.  I swear, the dangers I face to do my Spartan blogging!  😉  I plan to skip over and visit ya’ll directly, but if I don’t get a post up now (and a few pre-loaded ones besides), it might never happen!


Here’s the bad news:  The big secret surprise is off.  😦  So, now I can reveal it.  Paladin and I were going to sneak off and elope in April when his divorce was supposed to be final, but because of the way Mull filed, they won’t be divorced until mid-June.  The elopement plan was to tell nary a soul and continue with plans for the Extravaganza.  We were going to spring it on everybody at the wedding.  Ginger was all “meh” when I told her this because apparently your best friend being secretly married for months without telling you is not a big deal.  Makes me wonder what else I should keep secret from her.  Well, it did until I told her the rest of the secret (ha!  you didn’t know there was a part 2!). 


As I mentioned before, Paladin’s equipment is no longer functioning for baby making, and he and his father have come up with a plan.  His dad would really like to have a genetic grandchild that is also male to carry on the family name, and the idea they came up with was to use dear old pop’s pops to conceive it.  Weird, right?  I mean, let’s have me get knocked up by your daddy, sweety!  I am already calling Paladin, “brother-daddy”.  I’m hoping that dad’s sperm are past their sell-by date!  But, I have reluctantly agreed to this, and we had planned to start trying immediately after the elopement and were hoping to be able to spring a pregnancy as surprise two.  This poor, poor child is going to be so screwed up.  I want it noted that the SOUTHERNER did NOT suggest this!!!  Paladin’s brother is out of the possible donor pool since he had rheumatic fever as a child which took a toll on his swimmers.  So it’s up to me and dad to repopulate the family line.  Tell me it doesn’t sound like a really sick porno.  Please??? 


Here’s the good news:  On Valentine’s Day, it became official and it can be seen from outer space.  🙂  Not bad for a “promise”, huh?  The really official bit won’t come for a while (I’ve got to pick out the engagement set I want).  Though, if we had known about the filing crap, we’d have went straight for the official engagement ring.  Ehhh…how can I complain?  I get 3 rings!  Woot!  😀 


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