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Archive for June 16th, 2009

Well, Mom’s left leg anyhow.  The ortho doc ended up using only plates to fix both her leg and her knee.  They put her broken wrist in a brace, but they are holding off on doing any surgery to the broken shoulder hoping that it will begin to heal on its own.  There are conflicting replies to any specific questions, but so far, the answer is simple.  My mother will spend the rest of her life in a wheelchair.  The doctor’s say that she’ll only be able to walk a few steps.  Although we can hope for better with therapy, it’s not likely to get any better than that.  She’s going to be in the hospital for 3 weeks and then in the rehabilitation wing for another 3 weeks minimum. 

We have joked about it in our typical way, “Hey, it ain’t like she was walkin’ a whole lot before.”  It’s our way.  I can see it in my brother’s faces though.  I know that we joke but we also know that Mom’s been slowly going downhill for years.  I even repeated the “joke” to Paladin and Bell after I talked to Tina Sunday night.  I didn’t say anything about the diagnosis at first.  I washed dishes for about an hour trying not to cry.  Finally, Paladin came in from taking care of the little girls, and I told him.  He hugged me tight.  Bell was standing nearby caught up in her teenager stuff, but she was shocked and I knew she wanted to say something.  I told her it was ok that as people get older these things happen.  If there’s one consistent thing I hope I’m teaching these kids, it’s that when you get hit, you stand up and keep going.  It was incredibly hard to leave Tina and Mom in that emergency room and drive the nearly 2 hour stretch to Deridder.  It was even harder knowing that there was nothing I could do, but take care of these babies until I could get back to the rest of my our family.  It wasn’t any easier when the kids were begging me to let them stay another night and I couldn’t because they weren’t allowed in the ICU and I just couldn’t wait another night to see Mom. 

I knew it would be hard to hold it together with the usual insanity, but then we got added nuts.  When I took off Indy’s diaper, that baby had about a tablespoon full of discharge from an infection filling her crotch!  I was so damned mad.  First thing Saturday, Paladin took her to the ER and came back with a diagnosis of vaginitis and an anti-fungal cream (according to Paladin, Mull was shocked when he told her…yeah, it’s easier to see infections if you’re actually taking care of your child and not just leaving them to fend for themselves).  Of course, Sunday was Martian’s birthday and he had a rather annoying and slightly rude friend stay the night for it along with our usual compliment of 5 plus Sanjaya2.  Then somewhere along the way Bell told me that she’d packed enough clothes for a week because Mull told her they were staying the week with us.  Mull either changed her mind or chickened out because she never said boo about it.  Paladin went by on Monday to drop off the bike we bought Martian for his birthday and Mull told him we could have them another day.  I don’t know.  Maybe she was planning to slip a week in throught he backdoor one day at a time?  Paladin explained about Mom and that we couldn’t take them.  Today?  Bell calls up asking if they can come by to pick up something.  I’m guessing Mull was just nosey and was making sure we really were going to the hospital.  I felt so bad sending them back there when they were begging to stay with us.  Blondie spent all weekend telling me, “I love you” (that’s kind of a big deal with her because she’s very attached to her mother).  Savvy even brought me a present.  Indy spent most of the weekend acting out by fake choking (she coughs a few times and then says “I’m choking” and coughs some more) and going into her “I scared” mode where every single thing makes her recoil and yell “I scared”; we started potty training her here this weekend and when she pooped her panties she came to me crying and begging for a diaper like it was the end of the world.  It ties me up in knots.  First thing Monday, we made an appointment with the lawyer (we’ve tried to make others over the last couple of weeks but couldn’t get one).  I’m hoping he’ll pick up the phone and call Child Protective Services on her because Paladin and I won’t unless we have to.  Up until now, his lawyer has obviously considered this an easy case.  He’s WRONG.  It’s about to get a lot more heated unless by some miracle Mull just rolls over for it.  I doubt that will happen.  Mull gets everything she has ever had or will have from giving birth.  It’s part of her psyche and she won’t let go of those kids without an argument.  But, we’re not going to go easy on her.  Enough is enough.  Like I said, my nerves were frayed the entire weekend and I was getting through hour by hour on almost no sleep.  If it weren’t for the kids, I think I’d have been sitting in the hospital crying the entire time. 

I am so grateful for where I am right now.  I stood in the hospital room today with Tina and Paladin arranging Mom’s pillows (it took the 3 of us to get them the way she wanted) and I knew that I couldn’t get any luckier than I am right now.  If Paladin hadn’t been helping me through the day to day stuff this weekend, I’d have lost it.  I’m sure I hid it well, and he probably won’t know until he reads this, but I was pretty low.  I’m so glad I have him.  We may drive each other up the wall at times, but most of the time, we are right there holding on to one another for dear life.  I thank each and every one of you for all your prayers.  Not just for those of these last few days, but for the prayers and hopes of all these months that have gotten me where I am today.  I went from a settled life of mainly inward conflict to a crazy melodramatic life of constant upheaval, and I’m the better for it. 

I called my Dad on Friday night for his birthday.  I hadn’t talked to him in a lot of months.  I let him talk to his soon-to-be-grandchildren for a few minutes before the step-slag made him hang up.  I was still glad that I did it.  My life is a shambles and I want EVERYONE, past and present, to be a part of it no matter what. 

I know that this post probably isn’t making sense, but I’m too overwhelmed to make sense of anything anymore.  Sorry.  I’m going to try to get some sleep tonight and come back tomorrow making some sense. 

Love, Anna.

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