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Archive for January 15th, 2011

Bad news

I haven’t posted in forever, and I guess this is really a “dead” blog now.  I think that makes me feel safer now.  I hadn’t posted in so long because I just couldn’t.  SO MUCH has gone on in the last year that I didn’t want certain people to find this and know what I was doing or thinking.  I’ve seen it all from the continued child neglect from Mull (which reach new heights) to bad medical news for both me and Paladin to amazingly good news (which I also couldn’t share because we didn’t want to rock the boat).  I’ve been daydreaming for months about coming back here with a series of posts to catch everyone up, but I still can’t “tell all” because of legalities which should be finishing up before March 1st.  I’ve hit highs and lows with regularity and I wish I had someone to tell it all.  I just can’t…couldn’t.  Today it’s killing me because I just got another piece of bad news and I still can’t tell it.  I can’t talk about it to Paladin because he freaks and, let’s face it, most men just can’t deal with emotion too well even when they want to.  My family is no good at this either because they just don’t know anything about the “problem” and can only say, “Don’t worry” or “Just hang in there.”  The good and bad stuff just keeps piling up back-to-back and there’s no one to talk to.  I hate that I lost that when I stopped blogging.  I hate bottling everything up.  It’s the thing I never wanted to have to do again.  Yet, here I am unable to say what’s hurting because I’m trying to preserve my family at the price of my heart.  Great.

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