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Archive for January 17th, 2011

I still can’t talk about the “bad news” or, to be correct, the two different sets of “bad news” in the past week.  But I realize after rereading some of this blog that there are things that I can talk about…good things and the we’ll-see-things.  So at least I can catch up anyone who is interested to some extent.  I guess I can always save the background drama/bad stuff for some epic post someday.

Mull had baby seven in July.  Of course, I won’t give his name here.  I’ll call him Flower since he was given a German name which resembles the name of a nearby town (the town of Florein, LA…pronounced flor-een…although the German pronunciation and spelling of the baby’s name is different, most likely people here would use Florein).  Let’s just say, this name would get his ass kicked on the playground A LOT in this country.  For those of you interested in the math, hmmm…I haven’t actually done it, but I can guess that she got knocked up within DAYS of Paladin taking her off his Social Security.  Can anyone here say “deportation fears”?  Of course, that’s idiotic.  If Mull didn’t fear the government so much, she’d have taken care of her immigrant status in the correct way and known that she didn’t have to have another baby to stay here.  That’s all become a moot point though.

Almost immediately upon having Flower, Mull went all sweetness and light.  It was kind of like perpetually living in that moment in the Exorcist where Linda Blair’s head spins.  For a couple of months before Flower’s arrival, we’d been hearing from the kids that Mull was planning to return to Germany for a visit.  By the time Flower came along, I had a hunch that ol’ Mull was getting ready to either ditch or to pull a fast one and try to talk us into letting the kids go too (AS IF…once in Germany she would only have to follow German law on the subject…retirees get almost free flights to German military bases…we’d have haunted her into the ground and had the entire population of Germany ready to stone her).  For example, on Savvy’s 10th birthday we had a big surprise birthday bash complete with several of the girl’s from her class and Mull’s reaction was to PROFUSELY thank Paladin and she asked him to thank me several times.  I was sick to my stomach with worry after that. 

We had already decided to take advantage of Mull’s “turn around” and had decided to ask for more time with the kids.  As I had feared, Indie bore the brunt of the new arrival (at first).  BlindBoy spent much of Mull’s pregnancy reading to Indie and taking care of her.  Was he practising for his child?  Or was he just trying to take up Mull’s slack?  I don’t know.  I hope to God that he wasn’t just practising, but events since the baby’s birth do sort of point to that.  Indie took a back seat to Flower or “baby brudder” as she calls him.  Don’t get me wrong, Indie loves him to death, but she did start acting out almost immediately to the loss of Blind Boy’s attentions.  It broke my heart.  Eventually, the stories of Indie’s potty accidents grew to the point that we heard very vague things from the children like “poop all over the entire room”.  We were never able to get the full story and if you’ve been around here, you know that Indie was never fully potty trained and that Mull didn’t even try to get her trained until she was over 3 yrs. old (she was almost 4 when Flower arrived). 

 This poop room incident was just what we needed to get Mull to agree to let us keep Indie for a couple of days during the week, and Mull immediately agreed.  If you’ve been around here, you know my opinion is that Mull doesn’t really want Indie around anyhow and still wishes that Paladin had let her give Indie up for adoption.  At any rate, Indie spends 2 days a week extra with us.  She loves us taking her to school and picking her up.  Her potty problems were occuring here too at first.  We’d tell her it was time to go back to Mull’s and she’d immediately have an accident to get attention and make you take longer to take her back.  We’re still working on that one.  She’s perfect in school and with us, but if you say, “It’s time to get dressed to go back to Mom’s house” she’s wet within minutes.  We’re using bed-time-outs (send her to bed for 15 mins…as with Savvy, bed is the worst punishment for her which we’ve tried to tell Mull to no avail).  So, Indie’s getting better here.  It was heart breaking though.  She’d cry and beg to stay with us and not go back to Mull’s.  Now, when I put her in the car to go back, we have a ritual of kisses and I-love-you’s and she counts down the days of the week to Tuesday when she can come back home.

Indie coming to stay started the fire and within a week all of the kids but two (Bell and Blondie) were wanting to come and spend extra time with us.  The stupid thing is that a lot of the time Mull was thwarting us had to do with just this subject.    All we’ve ever wanted was calm discourse and more time with the kids.  Mull was always completely non-communicative though.  Before we knew it, not only was Mull letting them come, but other things started happening like:  Blondie was allowed to bring her glasses with her and Mull handed over Savvy’s hearing aid responsibilities to Paladin (we’re having them fixed and her hearing retested…$160 minimum…amazingly the military Tricare insurance barely covers children of retirees to recieve basic benefits in this area).  Mull was sucking up hard and heavy and I was getting more and more suspicious.  Finally, the dam broke.

Paladin came home one night slack-jawed and announced to me that Mull had said, “Would you take the kids if I went back to Germany?”  Uh duh.  The temptation to jump up and down was immense, but even now, I have a wary eye on her.  All signs do seem to point to her pulling up stakes though. 

So what’s the plan?  She plans to return to Germany with BlindBoy and Flower.  She’s also planning on getting a job as a translator there.  HA!  I’ve seen the teenagers have to explain English slang to her dozens of times and that’s the exact bent of this translator job.  Her only concern is that she be allowed to talk to them and that we not say anything bad about her.  Kind of pisses me off really.  DID I TELL THEM WHEN YOU SOLD THEIR TOYS FOR TOTS????  If I didn’t tell them that, why would I tell them anything bad about you now?  This is probably the best chance they could ever have at a happy normal future.  We have the room, the financial ability, and the loving family support to make sure that they grow up as happy and healthy as possible.  We have NEVER, not ONCE, said anything bad about their mother.  Like they need to be screwed up more than they already are. 

Apparently, Mull has decided life here is not for her.  Flower’s birth was a difficult one and if you remember, Baby Six’s pregnancy had a few issues too (although we never found out exactly what…they all closed ranks on it).  After the incident at work (oops…can’t remember if I’d told ya’ll that one, but I think I did…Indie and fancy shoes and suddenly Mommy’s job at the shoe store ends), Mull was desperate to get out of the trailer park and eventually she and BlindBoy managed to buy a place 5 miles down the road from us, but the floor is LITERALLY falling in on the place and it lost it’s luster for her quickly (it probably didn’t help that I’d told the kids that her 4 acres was big enough for that horse she’d been promising them for years heehee).  Mull has moved 3 times in 2 yrs.  She is an adult ADD if ever I saw one and I dated one for a couple of years!  She’s always looking for the next “great” thing that will make her life right, and her life has kind of gone as far as its going to go here without her making a huge change in who she is as a person.  No judgements there.  I honestly feel for her and it makes me worry about Savvy and Indie’s future as ADD’ers too.  My ONLY problem with Mull has been in her treatment of her kids and trying to cut them off from us.  Much like the adoption of Baby Six, this may be the best thing she could ever do for them…if it’s done right.  Unfortunately, there was incident a while back where the Borrowed Girl’s were driving her nuts and she exclaimed, “I’m going back to Germany and I’m never coming back.”  OUCH.  Hopefully, they won’t remember it by the time she leaves.  Paladin is worried that she won’t go through with it, but I’ve seen no indication that she won’t.  Her main worry is Blondie.

Blondie has been kicked out of Mull’s bed since Flower came along, and she’s been a little on edge because of it. I’ve always worried about Blondie most of all because of the severe attachment Mull fostered with her.  I knew eventually Blondie would out-grow it and that Mull would have to let go.  Unfortunately, because of all this, Blondie will never get to see Mull in her true light which is something all of us eventually have to come to terms with concerning our parents.  I’m worried that either Mull will forever be on a pedestal with Blondie desperately trying to find that mommy figure.  Or, that Blondie will take Mull’s leaving so hard that she will forever blame herself for her mother leaving.  In the last week or so, Mull has, at our prompting (some stuff came up with Savvy that made it necessary), begun to break it to Savvy and Blondie that mom is going back to Germany for longer than 2 weeks.  We don’t know yet if she’s telling them one of her somewhat-truths which she had already been laying the groundwork with on several occasions like:  I have to stay a long time in Germany to do the paperwork for Flower to be a German like you, or my health isn’t good because of Flower and I have to go back to Germany for healthcare.  She’s got a couple of others too, but those are the main contenders.  Since Mull told Blondie, Blondie refused to come here for her regular day of the week (we’d made Friday her day because we knew she basically wouldn’t want to be away from Mull more than once in 2 weeks).  It must have been a big scene because Mull called to tell Paladin that and was also repeating, “I will be able to talk to them when I’m gone right?”  Of course, you will.  It’s going to be hard enough for you to leave them.  We want them to be able to know that you care.  What could be worse for a child than to have their parent leave and never know what happened? 

I have to go to rehab now (saying that always makes that Amy Winehouse song go off in my head), but let’s just say, I’ve BARELY scratched the surface.

P.S.- Paladin says I should tell you that the rehab is for my shoulders.  Lest anyone think I’ve turned into a dope fiend.  lol

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