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only you win EVERY TIME! 

Somewhere some shopping addicted soul just clicked on this blog and wanted to slap me.  I don’t blame them a bit.

The best part about visiting the neurosurgeon in Baton Rouge?  The gorgeous lean dark-haired, piercing-eyed doctor?  Well, no.  But that was close!  Daaaaannng…he were HOT.  And, no ring!  For a split second, I wondered how quickly and quietly my wedding ring could be slipped off and stowed in my pocket.  Hey, Paladin, at least, I wasn’t thinking of tossing it at you and jumping onto the doc’s lap.  Ok, for a minute.  Seriously.  He was HOT. 

The best part of visiting the neurosurgeon was that he was next to a shopping center!  A very chic, shopping center at that.  It was the kind of place where you go to look, and then go to Filene’s Basement to buy.  Is that just me?  I should have been born Jewish.  Clearly.  It was filled with boutiques ala Melrose Place, but it also had a few places that you could afford to buy at like Barnes & Noble, White House Black Market, and a cinema and lots of restaurant grills which I realize were also a mix of prices.  For someone who isn’t as penny pinching as me, it would just be normal.  But as Rose from the Golden Girls once put it, I can squeeze a nickel til the buffalo poops!  In general, I do not do full price.  Homey don’t play that.  So when I caught sight of a little place I call heaven, I thought, “I’ll look, but I won’t even THINK of buying unless they have a clearance section.”  Then the pearly gates opened…

Heaven also goes by the name: Charming Charlie’s.  How?  How did you Texas girls not tell me about this???  I would drive to it.  I don’t care that it’s three hours away!  It’s like It’s Fashion (a black girl version of Cato…in other words: Cool…owned by the same company as Cato), but just for accessories.  They have some clothes but nothing over a large.  The main focus is on accessories and I just cannot fully explain to you how awesome this place is.  I could have dropped $300 in 20 minutes flat, and I wouldn’t have been sorry!  The handbags were so very of the moment and most were only $35 and decent quality at that!  The jewelry stole my heart, though.  It’s mostly costume jewelry, but again, it’s good quality and cheap.  I got this for $10:

100_0369

The turquoise enamel is thick, the crystals on the edges of the petals are well set, and the faux pearl doesn’t look too “faux” if you get my drift.  Although all of their rings are on adjustable or elastic beaded bands, this is a piece that I can tell will last for many years to come.  In fact, pretty much every piece I handled had good quality construction and value.  In this day and age, that’s like finding $20 laying on the street.  I could have covered over half my Christmas list with less than $200, and everyone on it would have thought I’d spent double that.  The good news is there’s a shop in San Antonio, but it’s near the surely chic La Cantera Golf Course and I have no idea how to get to it.  Hmmm…dilemma.  Charming Charlie’s alone would have made the trip worth it, but then came Madeleine…

La Madeleine to be precise.  I’ll admit it.  I wasn’t impressed.  Not one bit.  I was very put off that la Madeleine turned out to be a cafeteria.  The food was good and because they had a 2 for $7.99 deal going, it was a good deal (as in cheap for that shishi shopping center).  I saw the desserts right up front and since a couple of the mini-tarts were only $1.59, I thought, “Well, I’ll try them.”  I had the rather sweet but vacant girl behind the counter box up a mini-creme brulee tart, a mini-fruit custard tart, and one slice of Sacher Torte ($3.99), and we went ahead and got our trays and had our lunch.  Like I said, I wasn’t impressed especially and I was a little put out that Miss Sweet but Vacant saw us standing there with menu’s for a very long time (the set up at the front door looked like you should wait to be seated) without saying, “Hi, can I help you?”  Instead she just watched us warily.  Finally, we just sat down assuming that the service was crap and someone would notice us seated in their station and say something.  Instead, I notice the ladies next to us had a cafeteria tray, asked her about it, and she explained that it was cafeteria style.  Like I said, Madeleine didn’t have me.  Then we headed out on the interstate and I opened the box.  I can’t say they are the finest, but they were VERY good pastries.  In the rural area we live in, that kind of thing isn’t lurking around every corner.  The raspberry glaze between the layers of chocolate torte made me exclaim; it made me groan in pleasure.  Uh yeah.  I’ll go again if I get a chance!  Besides, they had the best vegetarian choices in the area.

All in all, we had a fruitful day out on Thursday.  We talked and hopefully made just a little more headway in identifying our issues.  We had a nice lunch which turned into a fabulous evening of dessert.  And, I shopped!  I got my ring above and Christmas gifts for Bell and Martian:  a Victorian/goth choker & earring set and a wind-up summo wrestler game.  I’ll let you figure out which one got which gift.  When I came home with the summo wrestler game, I had to make sure it worked (it’s was only $5 on clearance) and Brian’s brother Jon and I started playing with it.  It could be addictive.  I had to make myself put it up.  It was awesome!

Know who else is awesome?  La Dishy!  She gave me this award, and it made my day.  It really did.  It kind of makes me want to make my own award.  Maybe I could use a sumo wrestler in it!  😀

awesome_award1

The only thing is that I got caught up in my own existence and now this lovely award has made its way to pretty much everybody over there on the side.  Hmmm…what to do.  I hate to repeat even if the ones receiving it are awesome enough to get it twice!  So, I’m going to do a total cop-out and tell anyone who hasn’t gotten it yet to have at it.  Just be sure to link back to Dishy and/or myself.  🙂

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Friday’s Five Words

5 words from Karen a day early!  I’ll try to ignore the evil blonde expectations.  😉

Evil–  It doesn’t exist.  Strong view, I know.  But, I truly don’t believe in it.  I think “evil” gets blamed for the horrors perpetrated by man/woman that we can’t wrap our heads around.  The truth is that evil is our invention.  It’s our name for the things we do that go beyond what is allowable in our society.  It’s incredibly subjective.  I know some people point to this murderer or sadist and say, “There.  There is evil.”  But their mother never saw it.

Oh, and this is not to be confused with “ebil” which is what Pascal is when he’s being a meany-butt.  He is ebil, ebil, ebil!
Sand Castle– I guess when I think of sand castles I see blue sky and sand for miles, but since I’ve never even been to the Gulf much less the ocean, the thing I really think of is: 

hate_sandcastles-3-300x199

Is that a face or is that a face?  😀  I have no idea where I got that pic.  I wish I could give someone credit for it.
Expectation– A dirty word.  Purely evil.  Ooops, I don’t believe in evil.  Oh well.  Expectations lurk around every corner for me.  They come in the form of baby hopes.  They come in the form of marriage hopes.  They tend to disappoint, in short.  Not marriage, but the expectations I place on those around me.  Over the years, I’ve learned not to expect much from most people.  I still expect a lot from one person in my life.  Maybe it’s because the life we’re trying to build is the one each of us longed for all through the years before we met and that we tried to build with other people.  Mostly, I think it’s because he’s worthy of me allowing myself to have expectations of him.  I know he’ll try to come through for me.  I know the only time he’ll disappoint me is when he’s trying to make the world right for others instead of us.  That hurts a little, but it’s better than the alternative of him not trying at all.
Blonde– This word makes me want to tell a bad joke.  But, it also makes me think of Blondie’s hair: almost platinum and always falling in her eyes.  It makes me smile. 
Peer– Makes me think of college and study groups.  I hated that crap.  Try to find an actual peer anywhere.  Go on.  I dare you.  The true peers I’ve found in my life have been quite accidental, quite fortuitous.  They remind me that there are people left in the world with brains and humor.

 

This makes me think of five words I’d most like to hear everyone’s thoughts on.  I guess they’d be:  honor, security, family, meaning, and blood.  I’d love to hear every persons thoughts on those things.  I think we’d all be surprised.

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It was her stolen idea, and now, I’ve stolen it.  Just a bunch of lazy thieves around this place, I tell ya!  I have two great reasons: I have extra time for a short post.  And, I do have a few things on my chest.  I usually just spit it out, but I’m really good at hiding things from the people I’m in a relationship with and those I love.  I’m not sure if its a byproduct of being a woman or of being a fat woman.  It sometimes seems like those of us in the dreaded “fat” club (and I’ve known skinny girls in it too) just don’t always feel able to speak up to those we love or those we want to love us.  So here goes…

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Certain People- (I’m not going to bother with the disclaimer.  Feel free to guess the person in question.  It will be like a game show!)

  1. I faked it every…single…time.
  2. I was told it was an olive branch.  I just want to stick it up your whooha and make tapenade!
  3. I almost cried when I realized that I had a grandpa again.  You’re one of the few reasons that I’m sorry its over.
  4. You’re a teenager.  I don’t care what you tell yourself or how old you are physically.  You ARE a teenager.
  5. I’m not sorry it’s over.  It’s actually a relief in some ways.  I’ll regret it, but I also breath easier.
  6. I have wiped your ass.  You should never speak to me in less than the nicest of tones.
  7. Are you ever going to tell him that the REAL reason you waited so long is you are absolutely shallow in every sense of the word?
  8. I know what he said to you.  You and I both know it wasn’t an accident.
  9. YES!  It is a sore point.  It always will be and I’d think that after I’ve told you that in every subtle way I can that you’d get the clue.  You’re not stupid.  Are you just playing dumb?
  10. You have completely devolved and I don’t know who you are anymore.  I don’t think I want to know either.  I’m sorry, but I think it was meant to happen because we just don’t fit anymore.

Maybe I should have just written about the Gosselins or Rachael Ray?  I can’t stand either one of them.  Ahhh…celebrities…the last people we’re allowed to bash.  I love them so.  You can’t just say to someone, “You suck as a parent and I wish your kids would get put in foster care because they’re bound to do better than you even in that system!” in real life.  Why not?  Because that’s irresponsible.  If I said everything I wanted to say to the people in my life?  I’d be one lonely hermit which is the same thing everyone else would be.  Stupid society and it’s rules of behavior.  Bah!

I can say things like:

Octomom, you’re an idiot.  Didn’t you know America only likes people who have 8 kids AND a husband?  There has to be someone around to hit in the head when things are going wrong!  And would it kill you to drag everyone to church constantly to show just how much you believe in God?  See, then you wouldn’t have to be nice to the people around you.  I know, Angelina gets by without going, but she’s also spreadeagled over Brad Pitt every time you turn around.  She gets a free pass.  You’ve got to aim lower…cable television lower.

But, I can only say it to celebrities.  I can’t tell every whore I know, “You keep going to church and announcing it to everyone around you like you’re curing cancer.  Why is that?  Ok, so you went to church.  None of the messages are creeping in.  That just makes me think there’s something wrong going on in that church.”  Seriously, why is it that the biggest whores I know are constantly headed to church?  Do they even make it in the doors without feeling a little electrical shock?  Or, do they get side tracked by the pretty lights and the shiny pole on their way there?  What is up with that?

Obviously, I had extra time on my hands here.  Don’t you miss those days when I had tons of extra time and could write this sort of stuff constantly?  If so, then you really must be bored too.  🙂  Some people aren’t bored enough though.  That blogroll on the side there is going to be pared down one of these days.  There are few things lower than the blogger who shows up just long enough for you to add them to your blogroll and then disappears.  I realize some people blog for the camaraderie and to build friendships.  I guess I do to some extent, as well.  The truth is that I like the distance sometimes.  I love knowing all of you.  It’s just that life inside this box gets to feeling too tight.  The human contact thing is slightly important to me.  I’ve never been all touchy-feely but human connection is vital to everyone.  On the one hand, I don’t feel the need to forward ya’ll emails about soldiers fighting in their underwear, but on the other hand, I would like to go beyond the homepage especially when you’re hurting or going through something you are trying desperately to handle.  The truth is I’d rather you just pick up the phone.  Remember those quaint pieces of machinery?  I’ve never had any intention of saving the world, but I always want to be a safe place to fall.  So, if I don’t get on your site constantly, it’s not that I’m not thinking about you.  If I’m not emailing you twice a day and sitting on Yahoo Messenger stalking you, you might just have to live with that.  I’m still around.  I’m just difficult to reach.  Oh, and Der Stalker, I changed my phone number.  Everybody else can have the new one though!  🙂

Go on.  Say something without fear of retribution.

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to scare the crap out of you…

 

That’s right.  This is a second post in a week.  Don’t get too excited yet!  It’s a pre-scheduled post.  *sigh*  Thanks to Blogger/Blogspot being a pain on Tuesday, I’m pretty sure I got to read but not comment on everyone’s blog because of some freakin’ glitch.  So, if you’re on Blogger and got commented upon, it’s because a miracle occured or you had Haloscan comments.  😦  I’m tempted to comment here but that would be confusing at best what with all the babies about to pop and men being pains and fabulous camping trips, and other issues.  Instead, I got tagged by the lovely and talented Bitchy.  So here we go a meme-ing!

 

The rules: Answer the questions, make sure you mention who tagged you, and tag 8 of your blogger buddies.

8 Things that I am Looking forward to:

1. August!  Indy and I have birthdays that month and I’m hoping against hope that we have her on her birthday.
2. Spending an entire weekend with Paladin where we have nothing to do.  I have no idea when this fantasy weekend will ever occur, however.
3. Making my wedding dress!
4. A probable trip to Oregon at the end of July for both Paladin’s Family and 20th Class reunions.
5. Working from home!  I’m imagining my old routine:  wake up about 6am and walk the dog while puttering around my garden before coming inside to clean and care for my home (and Brian’s apartment).
6. Getting to spend more time with my Borrowed Girls.
7. Making Tina come help out on the weekends when we have the kids.

8. Starting the wedding planning in earnest.

8 Things I Did Yesterday:

1. Woke up at 4:30am (Paladin had to be evaluated at the VA and didn’t finish until 4pm).
2. Talked to Rachel in Missouri (she’s having a hard time…she had an epileptic seizure and isn’t allowed to drive now).
3. Nuked Michellina’s 4 Cheese Manicotti for breakfast/lunch (I love that stuff especially when I overcook it slightly)
4. Got an oil change in celebration of my divorce.
5. Looked at the cosmetics aisles and came out with 2 of the $1 lipsticks in a dark rose and a pale icy pink.
6. Walked into Mom’s and asked, “Who wants to kiss a pretty single gal?”
7. Was asked by the Brothers, “You know a pretty single gal?” (Paladin just agreed with them and laughed…I poked him!…they have just GOT to stop bonding).
8. Oh yeah, and I sat in a courtroom taking notes on where the hot guy lived that was getting divorced too (Tina obviously wasn’t paying attention…I think I’ve found a new way for her to meet men!).

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:

1. Publish the novel I finished 3 yrs ago.
2. Get off my ass and edit said novel.
3. Have Paladin whisk me away for a spur of the moment romantic weekend of wining and dining (fat chance…he ain’t the whisking type…he’s more the plan-6-months-in-advance type).
4. Get off my ass and start that t-shirt line that I’ve been talking about for years.
5. Watch Mull fall off the edge of the Grand Canyon (hey, it says “WISH”)
6. Start artificial insemination RIGHT NOW (and as long as I’m wishing, maybe the donor could be someone other than the Grandpa…ugghhh…).
7. See all my friends that are so far away.

8. Sleep for a week.

8 Shows I Watch:

1. Family Guy
2. King of the Hill
3. The Simpsons
4. American Dad (yeah, I know I could have just said Fox Sundays…getting the idea that I’m not watching a lot of tv lately?)
5. 6teen (don’t be judging me)
6. The Big Reveal (because I can see 3 HGTV shows in 30 minutes!)
7. Dollhouse (I’ve missed like half the episodes so far but every time I get to catch up it’s getting better)
8. Squidbillies (“I love you…I’ll kill you…”)

8 People I’m Tagging:

1. Beautiful Mess (not sure if you mind having your real first name mentioned anymore)
2. Teeni
3. Kat
4. Lola
5. Heather P.
6. KMommy
7. Vinomom
8. Steph (I’m not sure if you have enough bloggers to link to, hon…but I hope you’ll try!  🙂  )

I always try not to overlap bloggers.  To think, just the other day, I was thinking that maybe I’d gotten past the meme stage.  lol

 Beautiful BONUS:

FAT LIKE A SHUT IN

Laters!!!

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The lovely Danielle at Life Induces Thoughts, Mostly Random gave me an award!  🙂 

lemonade-award 

 

It makes me want to actually open a lemonade stand, but then I remember how pathetic…and quite possibly extremely creepy…that would make me. 

 

Truthfully, today I don’t feel like making lemons into lemonade.  I would, however, like some nice juicy ones to cut in half and throw at some people.  I have to say that most of you who read this blog don’t come off as all Pollyanna.  Thank, the gods!!!  This makes it hard to choose who to give the award.  So, the first 5 commenters get it!  Hey, maybe someone will even delurk!  Though after reading the search engine terms, I hope many of you stay lurked.  A lot of you want to be spanked.  Yikes. 

 

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teeni-meme

Teeni gave me an award and a meme!  It’s all about honesty.  I’m pretty sure that if nothing else comes out in this blog, the one thing that does show up time after time is HONESTY.  My one thought on this is, “What haven’t I told ya’ll?”  There can’t be much left!  But there may be a few scraps of info that I’ve held back on.  We shall see!

 

Here’s how the Honest Scrap award meme works:

 

The honorees of this award are to: A) first list 10 honest things about yourself – and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep! B) pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.

 

Ten honest things about me:

 

1.     I still have serious perfectionism issues.  I know I sound all loosey goosey sometimes, but underneath it all is the same old me that wants everything to line up “just so”.  Paladin doesn’t actually help with this because he’s pretty much the exact same way.  We try to let some things slide and not get too crazy, but occasionally the insanity takes over. 

2.     I’m 36 yrs. old and I’m starting over again and I’m scared by that.  I don’t get scared too often, and it usually doesn’t last.  It’s instability that frightens me more often than not, but this time it’s not instability or even 5 kids thats kicking off my fear response.  My life has been weird enough.  lol  This newly forming union is equal parts of insta-family and insta-retirement complete with Winnebago (Paladin has mentioned traveling the U.S. in an armor plated Winnebago more than once).  What the hell is comforting about that?

3.     I’m racist.  Yes, I am.  It’s a problem that I developed after a bout with an INSANE downstairs neighbor from Guam.  I am not proud of my prejudice in any way.  I know it’s there, and I purposefully do an internal dialogue to remind myself that a gut reaction to a South Seas islander is just the memory of one crazy b**ch.  Unfortunately, from time to time I meet or hear stories about others from that neighbor’s same cultural background which reinforces my prejudice and it makes me wonder if it’s the culture that’s so different or if there is a genuine issue with mental illness (much as there is in my family lol).

4.     I’m also 36 yrs. old and have no real career plans.  I have several pieces of paper which say I be right smart, but only one of them matters to me (I freakin’ earned that Master’s…I actually worked at it, and for me, that’s quite unusual…the Bachelors, being my high school class’ valedictorian, my paralegal certificate were all just me skating by per usual which makes me a little sad…a consistent 3.9 GPA and I wasn’t trying…what if I’d actually tried???).  I’m capable of almost anything (I’ll leave genetic engineering to the experts like Ron), but I honestly do not worry about work and careers.  I’m happy with enough, but I know that my job here will not last forever.  In fact, I will probably be looking for something new before the year is out because “our” house is in Deridder and that’s a 50 mile drive from Brian’s.  It just can’t last.

5.     I don’t LOVE kids.  Allow me to explain.  I find them entertaining.  I respect them.  I genuinely enjoy seeing the world through them.  But, I know how hard they can be to deal with…you know, like people and all.  I’m no Duggar.  So yeah, I have reservations about having FIVE step-children even if they are awesome (which they are…so far). 

6.     I’ve been having a lot of disturbing, nightmarish dreams lately (like shooting some lady and her 2 kids instead of M…then driving through a neighborhood on garbage day where every house has a stroller or crib in the trash before I get to a house where I’m stalking some lady who is charting her fertility…Freud totally rolled over right then).  Of course, it’s no small wonder because I’ve had some underlying anxiety these past months.  I’ve noticed that it seems to disappear the minute I’m with Paladin.  I hope that’s a good sign. 

7.     I have an option to have kids (not Paladin’s…he had a vasectomy and doesn’t want a reversal but he suggested we look into sperm donation…he did this without me ever even bringing up the subject…I hadn’t said anything because early on he had said something about being done with all that…I should have known better…he adores all children…I love him), but I don’t know if I want to.  The biological urge is there, and no, I’m not just talking about my mother’s “are you gonna?” urgings.  But SIX???  Six is a lot of kids, and it is nice to have our time together knowing that we can pick up the 5 kidlets and get our family on when we want to.  But, I do want that child I’ve been working so long to see.  Chances are we’ll try at least a few times, but if Fate doesn’t allow it, then a basketball team will have to be enough.

8.     Alcoholism has been a part of my life since I was a small child, and it affected me deeply forming my personality to a great extent.  Nothing creates instability like alcoholism, and I have never delved deeply into the psychological aspects of my reaction to my father’s alcoholism.  It’s not a stone I want to turn over.  I hope it won’t come back to haunt me someday.

9.     I can’t tie my shoes.  I know “how” to do it, but they won’t stay tied even with a double knot.  So, I make other people do it for me!

10. Sometimes Pascal tries to eat boogers.  Sure, it’s not exactly about me, but as a doggie parent, I fell it reflects badly upon me.  So, I’m owning it.

 

 

There we have 10 honest things.  Given a few weeks I could have found some that were more interesting I suppose, but really, my life is pretty banal.  So probably NOT. 

 

Now for the honorees who are also honest people (so good luck finding new things to be honest about gals!):

 

Kat at 3 Bedroom Bungalow in Crazy Town;

ETW at Glamorous Life of a Hausfrau;

Alf at I Shot a Man in Reno;

Penelope at It’s me penelope;

Ginger at Names Have Been Changed;

Karen at Smiling Through It All;

Danielle at Life Induces Thoughts, mostly random

 

 That’s all folks!  🙂  I’m out for today!  Catch ya on the flip side moon doggy!

 

 

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I’m up at 4am ready to spit nails.  M. and I got into it over the rules of this debacle.  Apparently, the reason our marriage is failing (uh…I think he’s missed some points lately…like the one where our marriage is OVER) is that I’m too rigid.  Yeah, silly me, I thought it was because he refused to get help for his sexual hang-ups, his cheating on me with trannies (did I forget to mention that he was talking to trannies online when I caught him cheating last year? but he was just “experimenting”…yeah…), and his refusal to build a life with me in ANY way whatsoever.  Turns out it was because I didn’t let him do anything he wanted anytime, day or night.  Ooops, my bad!

 

Let’s do a meme!  Maybe it will keep me from finding the nearest jackhammer and putting it to work on his balls…

 

Kmommy tagged me for a meme last week and it goes a little somethin’ like this:

 

Here are the rules:

 

Grab the nearest book. Open the book to page 56. Find the fifth sentence. Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your journal/blog along with these instructions.  Don’t dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST. Tag five other people to do the same.

 

And then, once a day, usually after dark, they would lie down on special platforms and become unconscious.  They would stop functioning almost completely, except deep in their minds they would have adventures and experiences that were completely impossible in real life.

 

Now, I want to tag some of you newer folks!  In alphabetical order:  Danielle, BlondeBlogger, Heather (KelticKaos), Lola, and Suzie…wave to the crowd girls…what do you mean, “What crowd?” Ok, wave at those 10 people who read this….and as always, if you don’t meme or you’ve already done this one, then why not randomly link to people you like or people you don’t like…whatever floats your boat!  lol 

 

Btw, I’m not sure if I should award extra points for the person that recognizes that passage or avoid them forever.

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