Archive for the ‘Celebs’ Category

It was her stolen idea, and now, I’ve stolen it.  Just a bunch of lazy thieves around this place, I tell ya!  I have two great reasons: I have extra time for a short post.  And, I do have a few things on my chest.  I usually just spit it out, but I’m really good at hiding things from the people I’m in a relationship with and those I love.  I’m not sure if its a byproduct of being a woman or of being a fat woman.  It sometimes seems like those of us in the dreaded “fat” club (and I’ve known skinny girls in it too) just don’t always feel able to speak up to those we love or those we want to love us.  So here goes…

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Certain People- (I’m not going to bother with the disclaimer.  Feel free to guess the person in question.  It will be like a game show!)

  1. I faked it every…single…time.
  2. I was told it was an olive branch.  I just want to stick it up your whooha and make tapenade!
  3. I almost cried when I realized that I had a grandpa again.  You’re one of the few reasons that I’m sorry its over.
  4. You’re a teenager.  I don’t care what you tell yourself or how old you are physically.  You ARE a teenager.
  5. I’m not sorry it’s over.  It’s actually a relief in some ways.  I’ll regret it, but I also breath easier.
  6. I have wiped your ass.  You should never speak to me in less than the nicest of tones.
  7. Are you ever going to tell him that the REAL reason you waited so long is you are absolutely shallow in every sense of the word?
  8. I know what he said to you.  You and I both know it wasn’t an accident.
  9. YES!  It is a sore point.  It always will be and I’d think that after I’ve told you that in every subtle way I can that you’d get the clue.  You’re not stupid.  Are you just playing dumb?
  10. You have completely devolved and I don’t know who you are anymore.  I don’t think I want to know either.  I’m sorry, but I think it was meant to happen because we just don’t fit anymore.

Maybe I should have just written about the Gosselins or Rachael Ray?  I can’t stand either one of them.  Ahhh…celebrities…the last people we’re allowed to bash.  I love them so.  You can’t just say to someone, “You suck as a parent and I wish your kids would get put in foster care because they’re bound to do better than you even in that system!” in real life.  Why not?  Because that’s irresponsible.  If I said everything I wanted to say to the people in my life?  I’d be one lonely hermit which is the same thing everyone else would be.  Stupid society and it’s rules of behavior.  Bah!

I can say things like:

Octomom, you’re an idiot.  Didn’t you know America only likes people who have 8 kids AND a husband?  There has to be someone around to hit in the head when things are going wrong!  And would it kill you to drag everyone to church constantly to show just how much you believe in God?  See, then you wouldn’t have to be nice to the people around you.  I know, Angelina gets by without going, but she’s also spreadeagled over Brad Pitt every time you turn around.  She gets a free pass.  You’ve got to aim lower…cable television lower.

But, I can only say it to celebrities.  I can’t tell every whore I know, “You keep going to church and announcing it to everyone around you like you’re curing cancer.  Why is that?  Ok, so you went to church.  None of the messages are creeping in.  That just makes me think there’s something wrong going on in that church.”  Seriously, why is it that the biggest whores I know are constantly headed to church?  Do they even make it in the doors without feeling a little electrical shock?  Or, do they get side tracked by the pretty lights and the shiny pole on their way there?  What is up with that?

Obviously, I had extra time on my hands here.  Don’t you miss those days when I had tons of extra time and could write this sort of stuff constantly?  If so, then you really must be bored too.  🙂  Some people aren’t bored enough though.  That blogroll on the side there is going to be pared down one of these days.  There are few things lower than the blogger who shows up just long enough for you to add them to your blogroll and then disappears.  I realize some people blog for the camaraderie and to build friendships.  I guess I do to some extent, as well.  The truth is that I like the distance sometimes.  I love knowing all of you.  It’s just that life inside this box gets to feeling too tight.  The human contact thing is slightly important to me.  I’ve never been all touchy-feely but human connection is vital to everyone.  On the one hand, I don’t feel the need to forward ya’ll emails about soldiers fighting in their underwear, but on the other hand, I would like to go beyond the homepage especially when you’re hurting or going through something you are trying desperately to handle.  The truth is I’d rather you just pick up the phone.  Remember those quaint pieces of machinery?  I’ve never had any intention of saving the world, but I always want to be a safe place to fall.  So, if I don’t get on your site constantly, it’s not that I’m not thinking about you.  If I’m not emailing you twice a day and sitting on Yahoo Messenger stalking you, you might just have to live with that.  I’m still around.  I’m just difficult to reach.  Oh, and Der Stalker, I changed my phone number.  Everybody else can have the new one though!  🙂

Go on.  Say something without fear of retribution.

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Tonight one of the two shows I’ve actually been trying to keep up with is on:  Dollhouse!  If you’re not watching it, go to HULU.COM to watch all the episodes without the annoyance of having to download a player or having to watch it in a tiny square or any of that nonsense.   No, Joss Whedon (of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel) did not pay me to say that.  I genuinely like this show.  It’s an old formula, but I don’t mind formulaic tv/movies as long as it’s done well and this IS.  And, don’t get put off by the first episode.  By the end of the second episode, I was hooked and the first one didn’t thrill me at all.  Hey, ya gotta give ’em time to set the story up, right?  I really hope this show makes it.  I know a lot of people watch the Sarah Connor Chronicles that comes on before Dollhouse, and I’m hopeful that alone will keep it alive for now.  I haven’t looked at the stats, but since I entered a certain age bracket I have to live in constant fear that my shows will be canceled (Jericho, for example).  Soon, I’ll have to watch nothing but crime shows, and I just can’t live on Law & Order alone even if NBC does put it on every day of the week!  😦  Dollhouse is good Friday night fare.  It’s interesting and a little thought provoking.  I like a nice ride and this show can leave you going ‘Whoa!  What was THAT about?’ or you can just sit back and enjoy the story.  That’s a rarity these days.  Besides, Burn Notice doesn’t come back until June (I was quite let down that Fi only got to shoot Carla…I wanted to see a good ole asskickin’!).  *sigh* Jeffrey Donovan, you wicked stud.



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It’s Gritty!

I’ve been going on about this one since I saw it.  It’s a must watch.   And, since I got stuck at work making meatloaf (that’ll teach me to finish my work early), I have YouTube at my bidding!  YAYYYYY!  *Elmo dance*

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Fully Mounted M.

This was one long weekend.  If you’ve never been to a party with about 250 rowdy Calvary soldiers, consider yourself lucky.  It did have its moments though.  Most of those moments came straight from the grog, a concoction formed when 5 or so soldiers put in various amounts of odd ingredients such as rusty horseshoes, medals, Hawaiian Punch, canteens of alcohols which were fermented under the deserts of Kuwait for months, etc.  Grown men “mounting” and “dismounting” their chairs to down this concoction is also not to be missed.  Unfortunately, I did miss M. drinking beer from his new Calvary cowboy hat, but judging by the amount of beer inundating his Class A uniform, I’d say it was a hoot (he looked like he’d been in a water balloon fight and lost big…the kicker is that he was required to wear it the rest of the night to keep it from losing its shape…mmmm…beer soaked husband).  Oh and then there was that unfortunate lady in the front row who obviously didn’t know the Color Guard would be slicing a sword in her direction; I thought she was going to faint.  🙂


The speaker, Craig Spohn, lectured about the new home of cyber intelligence that’s being created in Shreveport, and frankly, it makes me want to move.  The MAN has already wired the entire freakin’ state for sound, and I can’t help but feel like there’s a giant bull’s-eye painted on our collective ass.  Anybody know what South Dakota is like?  Make that North Dakota.  I’d like to be as far away as possible when the Chinese (of whom Mr. Spohn seems to live in fear) finally drop that EMP that makes Tivo obsolete.  I would have liked to talk to him about the dubiousness of his ideal plan and his statement that the top 20% of educated Chinese could take the place of the entire U.S., but the festivities ended at 10pm and nearly everyone high tailed it out of there.  Lucky him.  I’m pretty sure if I’d had the chance I’d have burst his little balloon.  I just don’t buy that we’re stupider than the Chinese because of the number of students entering the university and taking remedial math.  I took remedial Algebra and English (despite high ACT scores and being Valedictorian, thank you very much) when I entered college for a simple reason:  I wanted to ease into college and I had heard horror stories about the first semester failure rate (I’ve seen many an advisor stick intelligent young people in courses that grad students can barely pass only to see them wither under the pressure and run from the world of higher learning).  Then again, I don’t know how well my arguments would have went over considering that he could barely be heard over the din of drunken soldiers who couldn’t have cared less about him.  I don’t think he could have gotten their attention without wearing pasties and a G-string.  I’m not entirely sure who thought up the concept of a lecture in the middle of a ball, but they must have been drinking grog when the subject came up.

Shreveport Hilton


Our beautiful hotel room at the swanky Downtown Hilton (complete with memory foam seats in the chairs to cuddle your swanky butt) would have been a welcome respite if we’d had more than a couple of hours there.  Instead, we ran in and got dressed in a hurry.  We ran out, and we got back about midnight.  Thankfully, there was a café (The Upstairs Café) which was open 9pm-5am and delivered to the hotel!  (man, it must be nice to live in the city…ya know, except for the crime and hookers and drugs and smog and price hikes and all…I mean $50 for a roundtrip cab ride just across the river, really?)  Did I mention that we had to be up and out by 6:30 that morning for M. to get back to work?  We didn’t even get to play the Nintendo on the bitchin’ flat screen HD tv!  And the Hustler club was just a few streets away…ah missed opportunities (and missed stripper poles…when is it my turn?…oh yeah, never).

View of the Hustler Club


Because of the outrageous gas prices, I camped out in Natchitoches while M. worked all day.  I found my way to the movie theater and I finally got to see the Sex and the City movie.  I wasn’t really excited to see it because I’d heard some condemnation of it already and I was expecting to be disappointed.  I should have known better.  It was perfect.  The only criticism I had was that it was made for the small screen not the big screen.  Don’t get me wrong.  I think that was a really smart thing for Starr to do because it’s going to be replayed for decades on tv sets the world over, but it was a bit distracting at first (and in every SJP close up…’You are 40.”  Indeed…I’m going to be 40 far too soon and I haven’t got her money…forget the Chinese…that’s scary!).  It was long, but if I’d been at home watching it, I don’t think I’d have noticed (did I mention that I hate going to the movies?  it’s incredibly hard for me to sit still that long in a tomb of reflected light…on the rare occasions I watch a movie at home, I seldom watch it without getting up to do something else about 5 times in 2 hours).  Kristen Davis definitely needs to get more work as a comedic heroine; her face in Mexico was priceless though I didn’t like the “bit” itself.  That thing on the bride’s head was insane.  I’m glad I wasn’t nearby when they shot it because I’d have been tempted to rip it off.  Can you tell I’m trying not to give the plot away?  I didn’t feel that showcasing the women equally was a drain on the plot; if anything, it was under done.  It would have been an hour longer if I’d made it.  It was basically an entire season of SATC shoved into a movie.  And, I can’t wait to see it again.  🙂

P.S.  Unfortunately, M. didn’t get any full length pics of me in the dress.  So, I’ll have to get Tina to slip it on to get a pic for ya’ll.  I will say that one of the waitresses came up to me and whispered to me asking if I’d made it myself and telling me it was lovely.  But, that kind of thing just makes me worry that it was obvious that I’d made it myself.  I definitely need your opinions on that dress!  I’ll get pics up ASAP!  Btw, I also feel really cheated!  One of the girls there had a tiara on, and Tina wouldn’t let ME wear one!  Meany!  🙂

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Rebecca Romijn has Pascal’s twin!  Don’t worry, I’m sure she got the evil twin…  lol  Her’s is a golden doodle.  Makes me wonder if Pas is full poodle.  I guess unless I do a DNA test, I’ll never know.

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Heath Ledger

Can I just say that I loved Heath Ledger the moment I saw him in Roar (the short-lived television series) and although the hand-lick incident in Brokeback, left me a little…nonplussed (I wanted to say it left a bad taste in my mouth but it’s too soon), I still felt that he was a great talent that was untapped for the most part.  Sad that he will never be able to reach that star and Matilda will have to grow up without a daddy.  😦

UPDATE: I was watching The Soup last night (we’re old and it’s the closest we come to hip…besides it’s right after Monk), and Joel was so nice about Heath.  I can hardly imagine a nicer compliment from the Soup than to say he was a nice guy who not once ended up on their show.  I almost cried.

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