Archive for the ‘EX-husband from the greek for pain in the a$$’ Category

Paladin is off at therapy.  I just realized that I haven’t been here in like 2 weeks.  Ya’ll need a quick catch up.  So here goes: 

* We’re doing a menage a therapist thing now.  That’s right.  It takes 3 of them for us.  lol  Nah, it’s not quite that dire.  Dr. Mark went on a rotation for 2 months and handed us off to Dr. Max and Dr. Randy.  Dr. Randy is just for Paladin.  That was good because a fair amount of our time in therapy was being spent as one on one time between Paladin and the docs.  He needed his own thing for a while to sort through everything he’s gone through since his illness began all those years ago and to build this new life and find a direction for himself after his forced medical-retirement.  I kind of wish I were there though.  Paladin has significant short term memory loss, and I’m not there to be his short term memory bank.  As for Paladin and I, there are still issues but they are no longer BIG fights.  Just small quiet ones.  That’s progress.  Right?  Eh…

* Brian’s truck broke down and we spent several days shuttling his brother, Manjina around to temp jobs.  Manjina finally got enough cash together and the truck is back on the road… for now.  Brian’s step-brother, Ralph Jr., wants the truck back and since the VA has now taken Brian’s entire $900+ check, it’s a matter of time before the crap hits the fan on that one.  We’re keeping our fingers crossed that it happens off our property.

* The last kids weekend was spent coloring pumpkins (we’ll carve them this Saturday) and then Sunday after church, we had a picnic/tea party.  They had fun and I took a bunch of video for Youtube (honeywine2000 is the username if you’re curious) to send to the grandparents.  Paladin’s Dad got very emotional over the video.  He is a sweet man.  He and Paladin are both big ol’ girls.  🙂

* Here’s another kick in the lady balls for those of us with no children.  Did you know that if you’re married to someone on Social Security disability you only get benefits if you have children with them or are 62 or older?  Isn’t that lovely?  Doesn’t that fall under some sort of discrimination?  Seriously?

* Then Tina called asking if I’d talked to our Dad recently.  I haven’t.  Heck, I barely get the time to scratch my own butt half the time.  Tina couldn’t get anyone on the phone for a couple of days and finally started calling around.  Where was Dad?  JAIL!  Why?  Apparently, he and Step-slag got into it and he threatened to off himself.  She had the cops take him away.  I guess there’s a backlog of some sort because he’s been in jail a week now in protective custody waiting to see the regional head-shrinker.  Tina called Uncle Jim who lost his mind over this.  I was even surprised at the names he was calling the Step-slag.  At any rate, the last I heard a few of my uncles were getting together to go break him out.  Tina, Uncle Jim, and I have all offered to put him up over here.  Step-slag isn’t answering at their place in Mississippi and for all we know, she’s jumped ship with the contents of the house.  I guess he’s taking too long to kick the bucket.  All those multiple insurance policies must be getting expensive to keep up.  So, I guess I’ll find out eventually what’s going on there. 

* We’re also busting our humps to get everything around here done in preparation for spending more than 2 weeks in San Antonio starting the middle of next week.  A lot of it is that little stuff you do to get ready for winter like build a dog house and take out the air conditioners and repair a broken window.  But, when you’re trying to get all of that done, keeping several medical appointments, taking care of the kids, and taking care of paper work (Paladin is still trying to get his TDY crap fixed…we decided to get an advance for the trip because they’re backed up on TDY payoffs to the point that if we’re lucky we’ll get our last 2 TDY payments sometime in 2010), it all gets to the point where you don’t know what you’re doing from one minute to the next.  I haven’t even thought about what to pack yet!  And then there was special paperwork.

Yep, it took us forever and a day, but we finally got wedding 2 done.  🙂  I think it was my favorite.  It was sweet and simple and something of an international affair at that!  We just headed up to Natchitoches to Front Street and had the parish Justice of the Peace meet us there.  Front Street has such great scenery and even though it was a wet morning, we got great pictures.  We even had a local photographer who is also the Cane River Heritage Area office manager pop out and take a few pics for us and she posted them online here.  Then an older gentleman popped out and took our picture telling us that he only spoke French.  Before I could use my extremely limited high school French to ask “French Canadian or France?”, he disappeared.  Then when we went into the Les Saison candy shop for our wedding dessert (handmade chocolate truffles…mmm…so good…I get at least one every time I go), we were congratulated by a gal from London.  We were a real sight, I guess, because people were stopping and waving.  I do love living in the South sometimes.  🙂  Everyone seemed so happy to see us everywhere we went.  I would have thought they’d be jaded seeing people taking wedding pictures all the time on Front Street.  It was truly lovely.  It made me wish I’d skipped the first wedding and just had this one.  We had lunch at The Landing and then before heading home, Tina and I went into the local Goodwill.  If we were a sight on Front Street, we must have been something else at the Goodwill!  lol  One lady stopped me and asked if I was buying my dress because she was putting on a bride of Christ passion play.  😀  I’ll say it again:  I love the South.  Just to put the cherry on top of such a Southern experience, I bought several pairs of tap shoes for my Borrowed Girls (they look just like plain mary janes and I was desperate to find them inexpensive dress shoes for the holidays).  On the way back, we stopped at the Nat’l. Guard Armory and Tina dropped off the last of the ex-husband’s things (he’d left some stuff including his paternal grandfather’s coins behind and I wanted to make sure he got them before they deploy in the next couple of months) and he told her that his maternal grandfather died back in May shortly after he’d moved out.  I feel really sorry for them.  I loved his grandfather.  I really did.  Then, after all of that, we stopped at Mom’s to drop Tina off.  I wish I’d had the camera running because Mom was so happy she was about to jump out of her skin.  She said, “So now I really CAN say that they’re my grandkids!”  I just told her that I thought she already was.   They’ve been calling her Grandma for months now.  It was just a really happy day.  And here’s the proof:






My fancy shoes!





Of course, if you’re on my Facebook, there should have been a link to all the photos over on Walmart’s site.  I won’t even lie and begin to promise to talk to everyone any time soon.  I’m hoping that with all the down time stuck in the hotel room in San Antonio that I can catch up for a while at least.  I’ll talk to you soon-ish though!  🙂

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It was her stolen idea, and now, I’ve stolen it.  Just a bunch of lazy thieves around this place, I tell ya!  I have two great reasons: I have extra time for a short post.  And, I do have a few things on my chest.  I usually just spit it out, but I’m really good at hiding things from the people I’m in a relationship with and those I love.  I’m not sure if its a byproduct of being a woman or of being a fat woman.  It sometimes seems like those of us in the dreaded “fat” club (and I’ve known skinny girls in it too) just don’t always feel able to speak up to those we love or those we want to love us.  So here goes…

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Certain People- (I’m not going to bother with the disclaimer.  Feel free to guess the person in question.  It will be like a game show!)

  1. I faked it every…single…time.
  2. I was told it was an olive branch.  I just want to stick it up your whooha and make tapenade!
  3. I almost cried when I realized that I had a grandpa again.  You’re one of the few reasons that I’m sorry its over.
  4. You’re a teenager.  I don’t care what you tell yourself or how old you are physically.  You ARE a teenager.
  5. I’m not sorry it’s over.  It’s actually a relief in some ways.  I’ll regret it, but I also breath easier.
  6. I have wiped your ass.  You should never speak to me in less than the nicest of tones.
  7. Are you ever going to tell him that the REAL reason you waited so long is you are absolutely shallow in every sense of the word?
  8. I know what he said to you.  You and I both know it wasn’t an accident.
  9. YES!  It is a sore point.  It always will be and I’d think that after I’ve told you that in every subtle way I can that you’d get the clue.  You’re not stupid.  Are you just playing dumb?
  10. You have completely devolved and I don’t know who you are anymore.  I don’t think I want to know either.  I’m sorry, but I think it was meant to happen because we just don’t fit anymore.

Maybe I should have just written about the Gosselins or Rachael Ray?  I can’t stand either one of them.  Ahhh…celebrities…the last people we’re allowed to bash.  I love them so.  You can’t just say to someone, “You suck as a parent and I wish your kids would get put in foster care because they’re bound to do better than you even in that system!” in real life.  Why not?  Because that’s irresponsible.  If I said everything I wanted to say to the people in my life?  I’d be one lonely hermit which is the same thing everyone else would be.  Stupid society and it’s rules of behavior.  Bah!

I can say things like:

Octomom, you’re an idiot.  Didn’t you know America only likes people who have 8 kids AND a husband?  There has to be someone around to hit in the head when things are going wrong!  And would it kill you to drag everyone to church constantly to show just how much you believe in God?  See, then you wouldn’t have to be nice to the people around you.  I know, Angelina gets by without going, but she’s also spreadeagled over Brad Pitt every time you turn around.  She gets a free pass.  You’ve got to aim lower…cable television lower.

But, I can only say it to celebrities.  I can’t tell every whore I know, “You keep going to church and announcing it to everyone around you like you’re curing cancer.  Why is that?  Ok, so you went to church.  None of the messages are creeping in.  That just makes me think there’s something wrong going on in that church.”  Seriously, why is it that the biggest whores I know are constantly headed to church?  Do they even make it in the doors without feeling a little electrical shock?  Or, do they get side tracked by the pretty lights and the shiny pole on their way there?  What is up with that?

Obviously, I had extra time on my hands here.  Don’t you miss those days when I had tons of extra time and could write this sort of stuff constantly?  If so, then you really must be bored too.  🙂  Some people aren’t bored enough though.  That blogroll on the side there is going to be pared down one of these days.  There are few things lower than the blogger who shows up just long enough for you to add them to your blogroll and then disappears.  I realize some people blog for the camaraderie and to build friendships.  I guess I do to some extent, as well.  The truth is that I like the distance sometimes.  I love knowing all of you.  It’s just that life inside this box gets to feeling too tight.  The human contact thing is slightly important to me.  I’ve never been all touchy-feely but human connection is vital to everyone.  On the one hand, I don’t feel the need to forward ya’ll emails about soldiers fighting in their underwear, but on the other hand, I would like to go beyond the homepage especially when you’re hurting or going through something you are trying desperately to handle.  The truth is I’d rather you just pick up the phone.  Remember those quaint pieces of machinery?  I’ve never had any intention of saving the world, but I always want to be a safe place to fall.  So, if I don’t get on your site constantly, it’s not that I’m not thinking about you.  If I’m not emailing you twice a day and sitting on Yahoo Messenger stalking you, you might just have to live with that.  I’m still around.  I’m just difficult to reach.  Oh, and Der Stalker, I changed my phone number.  Everybody else can have the new one though!  🙂

Go on.  Say something without fear of retribution.

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It took 3 days of waiting to get married and 15 minutes to say the vows.  It took 10 minutes to get divorced and nearly 7 months of waiting to get in front of the judge!  The lesson here?  LIVE WITH THE MAN FIRST! 


M. and I spent every free minute on the phone and he spent every weekend and an entire week living with me at my home before we were married, and it didn’t mean a danged thing.  I’ve never been a believer in living together before marriage.  I’m Suzanne Sugarbaker down to my toes on that one.  If you live with him without the ring, you have no legal protection.  And what am I doing right now?  Yep…  It began innocently enough.  When Paladin and I first began living together, it was just for a couple of days out of the week.  I was nervous about it even then, but it was only supposed to be for a month and a half and then we’d be secretly married.  Mull screwed that up.  Then the Army took a turn.  Paladin retired and we’ve been together nearly 24 hours a day for the last month.  That scared me.  I know that spending too much time together took a serious toll on my first marriage (course, that probably saved me a couple more years of torture…so it’s all good).  But you know what?  It’s been great.  We are always doing something and I won’t say that we don’t get on each other’s nerves occasionally, but we’ve been more lovey-dovey this week than we were when we first started living together.  I think I’ve found the one I was looking for all along, and I haven’t stopped thinking that despite hanging around Dave and Will this week.  They’ve been renovating the Deridder house, and bonding with Paladin.  I thought it was annoying when there were just two of them…now, there’s 3!  I even took a short video during the beginning of the build, but I’m so bright that I grabbed my camera when I headed out here to work and left my camera batteries in Deridder.  I so smart!  😀  I’m going to try to get it up on the blog before long especially since there is a really cute section where I got Pascal to do his “ready to go outside?” tricks.


Yesterday, after court, I went to Walmart to get my oil changed.  When I celebrate, I celebrate.  😉  I spent the entire time smiling and wanting to spin around and throw a hat in the air.  😀  I’m still giggly.  And as a bonus, M. is now in Natchitoches in what Tina describes to me as a small crack house.  W00t!  There was really only one aggravation the entire day. 


Tina told me that M.’s mother had the nerve to tell him, “It’s about time you got away from that b**ch!”  Ummm…say what lady?  YOU are talking about ME?  This from a woman that sloughed that scum out your whoha the day after your own birthday and STILL forgot to even send him an E-CARD while he was in Iraq?  Puhlease…  That ticked me off and yeah, it still does.  For the first 4 months of our separation, I paid all the bills and didn’t take a dime from M. so that he could afford to get a job and move out.  Instead, he put up ONE online application and sat on his butt using all his money to try to find a new sugar mama.  It wasn’t until I was going to have him forcibly removed by the cops that he called up his unit so that they could throw some school money and temporary jobs at him.  Even then, my family drove him around and helped him out.  We’ve kept him alive.  Hell, I had to FORCE him to call his mother when his grandfather was in the hospital about to die at Christmas!  He’s a gigantic, self-centered JERK.  Live with it lady!  You created him.  Not me.  She’s just scared that he’ll end up on her doorstep again.  What are the chances that he can find a second woman halfway across the country that his mother can ship him to?  The first time he got out of the Army his mother gave him airfare from New York to Arkansas to get rid of him.  He ended up homeless for weeks until someone took pity on him and helped him get a job where he could live on the job site.  This is who he is.  I’m sorry, ex-MIL, but that’s just life.  Let’s not pretend he’s a great war hero who just meets the wrong women.  Cuz that’s a crock ‘o bull!  She should just be thankful that he’s got another 4 yrs. in the Louisiana National Guard before he can really leave the state (you’re welcome, btw!…that’s yet another thing I forced him to do…I’m willing to bet that he isn’t bright enough to sign on for another 2 yrs. after that so that he can get a retirement pension…he’s just that lazy).  If I were her, I’d start getting the futon ready for him now. 


Hmmm…that totally turned into a rant, didn’t it?  Ehhh…I’m still stoked!  😀  I’m rambling.  But I’m stoked!  I so wanted to get pics and videos up though.  Dang it!  And here at work, there’s no cable and the only entertainment is online.  And since Brian is asleep, there’s a better than average chance that if the rain holds off, I’ll be commenting on your blog today!  Yay! 


An even bigger bonus?  One of the best female lead television moments of all time:


Laters, ya’ll!


P.S.- It’s started raining.  I’ve got internet up but it’s spotty.  I’ve only been able to comment on one blog and it’s a WordPress blog.  Danged Blogger keeps going screwy.  Blogger is too damned finicky!  And apparently, Blogspot is basically Blogger in a tutu.  Grrr….

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I haven’t posted in a week, but not for lack of trying.  There has been A LOT happening on ALL fronts.  But, I’ll start with the easy stuff.  The day after I wrote that last post I got online at work to catch up with all of you.  I got halfway through my blogroll when the boss sent me off to town.  The next day when I got to work Manjina told me my computer had another virus.  Boy, he did it right that time!  This virus wouldn’t let you online at all and you couldn’t even run any anti-virus or anti-spyware programs.  I had no choice but to wipe the entire hard drive.   Yeah, that’s about as much fun as it sounds.  It took 2 work days for me to wipe the drive and reload the basic programs.  I haven’t even put MS Word or Picasa back on it yet.  I’m not even going to load Yahoo Messenger because I’m pretty sure that’s how he got the virus in the first place.  His Yahoo accounts have been getting hijacked for months with the hijacker changing his password and sending out messages as him.  Going by the messages, it’s obviously a vindictive ex-girlfriend or someone related to them.  I tell ya.  Here’s a clue Manny.  STOP HANDING OUT YOUR PASSWORD LIKE IT’S CANDY!  And how about you don’t add everything with a female name that asks to be added?  Not so hard really.  At any rate, if you thought I just didn’t care or skipped your blog intentionally, SO NOT TRUE.  Somewhere in the middle of all of this, there was a kids weekend, my relatives came, Rachel got her PCS orders, and Tina had a minor celebrity sighting.  So let’s hit this…


When Mull dropped the kids off on Friday, she and Paladin got into it over me.  It started innocently enough.  She sent them with a ton of craft stuff for the weekend.  When they came through the door, Blondie was gushing over it telling me how “Mom said we can do this here.”  I told her in my smiling, sweet, not-on-your-life voice, “Nope.  You can do that at Mom’s.  I have stuff to do this weekend.”  Mull was still outside giving Paladin a schedule for Spring Break (but I’ll get into that later).  So, Martian took the stuff back out to her.  Mull flipped.  She told Paladin, “She can’t tell my kids what they can and can’t do.”  I was inside with the little ones and oblivious to all of this, btw.  Paladin told her that I was none of her business and Mull told him she’d ask her lawyer about that. Paladin told her that was fine that he wondered just what the judge would have to say about her selling babies.  As I said, I was inside the house and had no idea this was going on.   Bell came inside and was obviously upset.  I asked her what was wrong, and she said she didn’t know if she should tell me.  I told her, “In this house, we have no secrets” and took her to the bedroom to talk.  She told me about the fight going on outside.  I told her that Dad and Mom were wrong to fight in front of her and Martian.  She was having trouble explaining how she was feeling, and I told her that I knew she felt caught in the middle and that she didn’t have to be.  I told her that it’s the adult’s responsibility and she’s a teenager and that anytime she felt caught in the middle she could come to me.  We hugged.  It was totally a bonding moment and she felt better.  When Paladin came inside I dragged him into the bedroom alone to find out what was going on.  He hadn’t known that Bell or Martian could hear them.  I left the room and sent in Bell and Martian so Paladin could talk to them and apologize.  And, the rest of the weekend went off without a hitch except for some arguing between Paladin and I.  I always get stressed when pulling off a big to-do.  I try to do everything myself (in this case, that meant redecorating a courtyard and porch and cooking for 30…all in 2 days…I’ll have decor pics soon!) until I can’t and then I hand off a few jobs.  Paladin wanted to go put a bracket over his license plate.  Yeah, way more important than fixing the grill and getting out the cooler.  So, yeah we got into it, but we got over it…as soon as he saw the light…  I told him if he thought this was rough, he should see how I get when the wedding comes.


Sunday, we planned a BBQ and invited my relatives and all of my girlfriends (I told Rachel to forward an email to them but most of them didn’t show up…not sure if Rachel was lax or what…this has happened before with her…she shows up with one or two people in her car and that’s it…I’m starting to wonder if it’s intentional friend-hoarding or coincidence).  We didn’t tell the kids this until the day of the BBQ because every time we have made a specific plan and told them about it something has ruined it.  They all had a blast!  Paladin got water balloons, and although I missed most of it because I was making sure everyone got fed, I hear that they got several of my cousins GOOD.  lol  My relatives all loved the kids and fawned over them.  Savvy got her hair french-braided by my aunt and was over the moon about it.  Rachel showed up with her 3yr. old Naudia and with Girl’s Night regular Clara and her little 4yr. old Junior (how I wish I’d given someone a camera while I was running around making strawberry margaritas and telling Bell that “I don’t care if your mother lets you make her pina coladas and drink with her.  It’s not happening here.”).  Naudia and Indy are about the same age, and Junior and my cousin’s little boy Christian are the same age.  So, the kids had built-in buddies.   The boys did great and were in cahoots in 10 seconds.  But, Naudia has me worried.  She wouldn’t play with the other children (she is shy with most people but she’s been in daycare with other kids for months) and when you put her next to Indy you can tell that they are on two different developmental tracks entirely.  Naudia’s language skills are stunted to some extent and Rachel has already spoken to a speech therapist because of it.  I’m very worried about it.  Sometimes you really don’t see how significant it is until you see them with other children.  I’ve been around this child more than her own father (thanks to deployments) and on this Monday, they will be leaving for Missouri.  I’m going to miss them so very much.  😦  Anyhoo, the party was still in full swing when Indy informed me that she had pooped.  We headed inside for a diaper change and Mull showed up halfway through (who keeps feeding this kid curry?  seriously, she could peel paint off the walls!).  I told Martian we’d be out once it was done.  When we came out I almost had to force Indy to go because she wanted to keep playing outside.  I’m sure that helped Mull’s mood.  Eventually, the party wound down and we headed out to my Mom’s.


The majority of the week was spent at work trying to repair things.  First, I worked on my computer.  Then Brian told me that he had gotten a letter from the VA telling him that he owed them almost $17 grand!  Needless to say, we spent a day at the VA trying to get somewhere with that.  It comes down to additional medical expenses, such as OTC meds and transportation costs, that the VA has been giving him a monthly stipend for, but that Brian didn’t claim (it was determined before Tina’s time and we suspect that a previous worker filled out the form and padded it…but the Hispanic Morgan Freeman voice on the other end of the line would only say it was “data” they had on file).  They are going to dock his pay by over $500 a month.  Brian thinks it will all be ok, but things have been tight since Mr. Ralph died and he had to take over all the bills alone.  The other day before Paladin and I left Brian asked if the offer to move into the West Wing still stood.  Of course, it does.  Not a problem.  We’ll be happy to have him as a tenant. 


I did take off for most of Tuesday and Paladin and I joined the family on a trek through Natchitoches.  Paladin had never been and we hit all of the same places we’d gone with Ginger last summer including St. Augustine Catholic Church (the wedding ceremony of Steel Magnolia’s was filmed there), Oakland Plantation (it’s undergoing renovations but they’ve opened far more of it since last summer), and Magnolia Plantation (it was deserted and not even the caretaker was there…last year we had a ghostly encounter there that scared the bejesus out of Ginger 🙂 ).  Then we went to lunch at The Landing restaurant on Front Street where the food is ok but you really pay for the ambiance (I prefer Merci Beaucoup around the corner); the bread pudding always makes me forget the cost though.  Paladin and I avoided most of the shops and just strolled along the river front talking about how what might have been.  If Mull hadn’t screwed up filing the divorce, we’d have been in Natchitoches secretly getting married that weekend (I mentioned that to Mom when we got home and she flipped…apparently, I forgot to tell her about our interrupted secret elopement plans).  We ended the day out at the Bayou Pierre Alligator Park.  Unfortunately, it was still a bit cool out and alligators don’t like that, but the baby goats were ADORABLE!  I used every quarter I could lay my hands on to feed them!  Paladin was hanging around talking guy stuff with my Uncle Rob.  Paladin fits in with all the relatives just like he’s one of us already (the brothers even like him…he hangs out and drinks coffee and argues politics and speaks guns & ammo…like I said, he fits right in!  lol ).  On the way out of the park, Tina stopped the owner to tell him how much she enjoyed watching him on A&E’s The Exterminators and she told him about her minor-celebrity sighting.  Last Saturday, she was in Walmart when the brother on the Exterminators, Ricky, asked her if he could get past her.  She went totally ‘OMG!  A celebrity!’ stunned and stuttered, “Sure, Ricky.”  Then Ricky looked stunned.  I’m pretty sure it was the first time he had been a celeb-sighting.  It made Tina’s year.  It was a good quiet day, and I went home with White Russian and Irish Coffee truffles from Front Street’s Les Saisson candy shop. 


In fact, everything was quiet until Thursday evening when Paladin and I got into a major fight.  He has a bad habit of telling the kids everything about our plans which is the same as telling Mull.  Martian called him Thursday evening and asked what we were doing and he told him about the zoo, stopping at Mom’s for painting (weekend before last, I let Savvy and Indy talk to Mom on the phone and Blondie has been asking about her too…Indy threw a major fit the other day wanting to talk to “mom” on the phone…Paladin thought she meant Mull and I had to explain to him that she meant my Mom…this would have been their first time to meet my Mom in person but they’ve met the brothers and Tina a few times) and bowling on base with the Girl’s Night crowd.  I screamed at Paladin over that and told him that we’d never see them now.  He argued back at me because I’m too controlling and have to have my way and he’s not going to lie to his kids.  I told him, “This is who I am and you’d better figure out now if you can handle it; if you can’t, it’s best to leave now.”  He walked out of the ghetto trailer and came back a while later.  We talked it through but nothing was really settled.  I took the argument harder than he did.  He thought of it as a little spat.  I spent the rest of the night driving back to Deridder with him quietly thinking about whether or not he could handle life with me.  I’m under no illusions.  I KNOW I’m controlling and I take my life and everything I do seriously, but I haven’t changed in 20yrs.  I wouldn’t hold my breath on things changing anytime soon.  Paladin tried to get me to talk about it by the time we stopped at Walmart for gas (people don’t really appreciate you sitting in the van for half an hour talking while they wait to fill up, btw).  He finally realized that he’s not the only one with abandonment issues.  I may handle mine better, but they’re still here sitting beside my ‘second class citizen’ issues having coffee and talking shite.  My issues didn’t even get a chance to cool down when Paladin pulled out the forgotten Spring Break schedule Mull provided.  He had forgotten to show it to me until that moment.  I flipped a bit.  Mull’s schedule was basically her taking the kids to the zoo Saturday and to Church Sunday then immediately leaving them with us after Church for most of the rest of the week.  Gee…I wonder if college students get the same Spring Break.   They do?  Why, really?  By morning I was still steamed at Paladin despite his hugging me tight in bed and telling me how much he loves me (that doesn’t keep me from being mad about suddenly having to work out my work schedule so that I can work, take care of the kids, and be with you week-after-next when you have to be in the hospital for 2 days).  Mostly, I was pissed because I’d been looking forward to sleeping past 6am for the first time in a month, to having a single day when I didn’t have to clean or take care of a million other things.  I wasn’t mad at him for long though.


When Paladin called at 8am to make sure the kids were up and getting ready for our day out, Mull informed him that they couldn’t go because they were sick.  Uh huh.  After I’d told Paladin “told ya so”, I suggested he roll on over there and see just how sick they were.   The answer?  Probably not at all.  According to Mull on the phone, Savvy was throwing up all night and Indy was sick and had a fever.  When Paladin got there, they were gone.  Mull soon arrived with all the kids in her mini-van dressed and ready to be left with us; she wanted us to leave Bell at home alone with Indy and Savvy and take the “healthy” kids to the zoo (that leaves Martian and Blondie, btw).  That would never under ANY circumstances have happened; at most, one of us would have stayed with them and Bell would have gone with the rest of the kids.  It’s not Bell’s job to take care of a sick 2.5yr. old and 8yr. old!  She’s only 15!  Dammit, Mull, be a mother or step aside and let a grown up do it!  Of course, sick is a very relative term.  Paladin quickly found out that Savvy had thrown up once the night before and she was hanging on him begging to go to the zoo as perky as ever.  Indy was kept out of his reach; so that he couldn’t touch her to check her “fever” but she didn’t do her usual sick kid thing (she wasn’t listless or glassy-eyed or cuddling up…and believe me, we know what she looks like sick…Mull has sent her to us sick MANY times).  Paladin informed Mull that her ploy wasn’t going to work.  If the kids were really sick, she needed to either stay home and take care of them herself or take them to the ER on base (it costs her nothing but time to take them there).  She told him that just maybe the kids would be sick the next time he was supposed to have them too.  He told her that if she couldn’t take care of her responsibilities that a judge could make sure she did.  Mull has sent those kids to us about 4 times in 5 months with illnesses and has yet to have taken any of them but Martian to the doctor (she only took him because he’s missed so much school that if he didn’t have a doctor’s excuse they’d fail him).  Savvy keeps telling us about her cavity and that “Mom says she can’t afford to take me to the dentist”; Paladin has offered several times now to pay the co-pay for the dentist (as he did for Bell to get her braces and he pays to keep the dental insurance which is an extra charge in the Army system) and Mull just got almost $5k in tax money and another big pay-off from the adoption.  She can afford it.  She just doesn’t want to.  She wanted to make sure she ruined our day out and to get her way.  Paladin told her that wasn’t going to fly.  He came home without the kids because of it.  Bell texted him telling him that it was unfair to not do it Mom’s way because that way at least some of the kids could go and instead now they’d be in the ER for hours; he texted back telling her not to do her mother’s talking for her (Mull makes Bell and Martian talk to Paladin for her despite the fact that we’ve told her time and again to do her own calling…it’s not like Paladin attacks her or anything…it’s called being an adult).  What else was he supposed to do?  If we had taken these obviously-not-sick kids to the zoo as planned, Mull would have reamed us over it and she’d probably have done the same if we’d left Bell to take of them (as if  we’d do that!).  In the end, we’ve pretty much decided not to make Mull’s life easier by taking the kids for most of Spring Break.  We want them here.  We do.  But, Mull can’t have it her way all the time.  She doesn’t get to tell us how to spend our time with them.  Period.  And, I, for one, really don’t feel the need to take care of the kids so she can spend romantic weeks with her college student especially if it’s on her terms.  The Wednesday before this, Paladin talked to his attorney about equal custody, and the lawyer said he could file for it but it’s going to take time.  His lawyer isn’t the greatest and seems to be juggling a lot of clients.  I told Paladin that he’d just have to be the squeaky wheel.  We haven’t been formally documenting Mull’s activities or hunting her down or making notes about her men, but it looks like it may be coming to that.  *sigh*


So that’s been my week in a nutshell.  I’m going to try to get to your blogs tomorrow since I’ll have my Sunday free, I guess.  I hope you haven’t all disappeared.  😦  Right now, I’ve got to water my neglected garden, check out the very needy cat, and go to the last Girl’s Night.  😦  Byes!

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Can I write a post in 6 minutes?  Let’s see…

Congratulate me!  Wednesday my divorce papers were filed!  I’d been hoping to get it finalized on April Fool’s Day, but it took too long to get in to see the lawyer.  M. started to give me grief about it, but it’s done.  The only way he can stop it from being final in the next few weeks is to hire his own lawyer and fight it.  He ain’t got the cahoneys.  Paladin was nearby when he started his whole “don’t I get a say in this?” schtick.  Paladin didn’t interfere, but when I came out of the room with M. I could see that Paladin was on high alert.  I don’t think I’ll ever get the M.P. out of him, but, heck, sometimes it comes in handy.  And it’s sweet that he’s like a bulldog when he’s protecting his own.  🙂


Mull tried to give us grief because we asked for an extra day with the kids while my cousins are here.  We’re planning to take them to the zoo and bowling and make a really long day of it.  And, yes, I told the kids that when we had them over the weekend while Paladin was outside clearing it with Mull.  She was fine and dandy with it.  Then, when he called to remind her and set up the timing for it, she claimed she was already taking them to the zoo.  Sure you were…about 10 seconds after they told you we were taking them.  Whatever.  We talked it over and told her it was fine that we’d still take them early on Friday morning.  I promised them the zoo.  The zoo is what they get.  I doubt they’ll complain if they go twice.  This coming week, Paladin has made an appointment with his lawyer to talk about equal custody.  I doubt we could get full custody, but he’s certainly in as good a position as her to have equal custody.  I don’t know how all this works but I’m hoping that it also lowers her child support.  I know that sounds cruel of me, but I think that cutting her financial legs may be the only way to get her to see her life for what it is.  Child support is meant to take care of the kids and not so you can bring in man after man to f**k with the kids in the next room.  There for a while I actually was beginning to feel sorry for her.  After the crap she’s been pulling lately…not so much.  All she has to do is straighten up her act, pay attention to her kids, and keep her whoring on the down-low instead of right in the house with them.  I don’t think that’s so much to ask.  If she can’t, I’m more than willing to make her life less comfortable.  As I told Paladin, I don’t really care that she’s from a foreign country and has no marketable skills to speak of.  They get Oprah everywhere!  She did this same thing in her own country.  Children are not cash cows.  They are a responsibility and a treasure (as sappy as that sounds).  As far as we can tell, she gets up in the morning and makes sure they leave for school (chances are Bell is the one actually getting them ready).  She tells them to pick up their room when they come home.  That’s it.  Martian does the cooking and he and Bell do the cleaning.  Mull goes to bed about 8 or 9 and doesn’t even put them to bed.  How many mothers would love to be able to get away with a set up like that?  Do a load of laundry, change 2 or 3 diapers, throw a banana at the baby and call it a day.  That’s if the oldest kids aren’t there to do that for her too.  Hell, I don’t get to bed at 9 o’clock at night and all I’ve got is a dog and a 30 hour a week job!  But, as I’ve said about my own situation in the past, being a ho is a full time job…


Dang, that rant seriously ran over my 6 minutes!  Uhhh…I think that will have to do for now.  I should be at work Monday.  So, barring rain, computerus interruptus (aka computer cock blocking…literally…I don’t use my computer if Manjina is in his bedroom!), or the boss sending me to town, I should be on here.  Fingers crossed!  🙂

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I will be so very happy when this in-house separation crap is over. 


M. has been pretty nonexistent in my life for the past few weeks, and I could not be happier.  Even when I stayed home yesterday, we spoke rarely and I was able to do my own thing in relative peace.  No.  M. has not been the problem.  Instead, my Mom and Davis decided to attack me yesterday when M. came over to Mom’s to drop Pascal off.


M. usually brings the dog over to Mom’s when I get back from Brian’s.  That way I get a chance to play with him and talk to Mom which kills two birds with one stone.  Mom ALWAYS tries to get M. to sit and talk when he comes up there, and since our separation, M. has spent about double the time there as compared to before meaning that he actually sits down for 15-20 minutes and talks.  I know why he does it.  It’s because he has no one to talk to now that I’m staying shed of him, and he’s lonely.  I get it.  The problem is that Mom doesn’t.


The minute I came through the door yesterday Mom said something about not interrupting M. to bring up the dog.  I thought she meant that he had brought a ho into my house which is what she was implying (she gets bored and likes to stir up trouble…she also probably wanted to know what I’d do about it…answer?  kick his ass out…his staying is due only to my benevolent patronage and I’m counting the days until he’s gone).  M. had a date the other day with what he tells me is a 40yr. old divorcee (it didn’t go well…she stood him up one night…then showed up the next afternoon on a whim bringing her 17yr old daughter and 8yr old grand-daughter…then they had a flat tire and M. is useless at that sort of thing…meaning anything that doesn’t include sitting his ass on a sofa), but Mom seems to have been hoping that seeing him move on would make me come running back.  Ummm…lemme check…am I still relatively sane?  Yep!  Then, no, I won’t be taking him back. 


Mom was still quizzing me when Davis, Tina, and M. all converged on her living room.  It went downhill from there.  Davis joined in with Mom (I often forget that Davis is still so bitter about his ex-wife…she cheated on him and never really gave things a chance even though he wanted to…of course, my situation seems to have become fused with his own at least in Davis’ mind).  They both professed not to understand why we are separated. 




The truth is that they don’t really care why.  I have always felt like the family stone.  I’m not allowed to have my own feelings and any expression other than absolute responsibility for the world is met with a “you’re just nuts” attitude.  I love my family, but there are many, many times when I do not like them or their treatment of each other or of me.  It’s especially hard to swallow when you’ve been terribly hurt by someone and you already feel like a failure and you’re trying desperately to rebuild some sense of yourself.  M. sitting there with a sh*t eating grin and going, “That’s what I said!” doesn’t help matters.  He’s still hoping for that open marriage bullsh*t, and I guess Mom and Davis think that’s a better idea than the separation.  Tina spoke up for me several times, but it’s pretty impossible to turn the tide when 2 people louder than me are going at me like bulldogs.  These same people have told me to dump his ass many, many times before.  Why try to stop me now?


I answered back something about M.’s ho’s (yep…that’s how I refer to them…what else is there to call them?  his girlfriends?  his lovers?  so far this is the first one he’s met, and there is obviously no love there just plenty of lust…and for the record, he refers to any men I talk to as man-ho’s…I figure we’re even), and they began attacking me for denigrating his women.  Davis said something about me not giving M. a chance, and that M. needed women too.  I have offered to drive M. to them more than once, and Tina has saved time so that he could meet up with them at the bar only to have them dump him at the last minute.  I WANT him to go out.  I want him to have a fun time with them, fall madly in love, and go live with them.  I want to forget he ever existed and up until yesterday, I was doing a great job of that. 


I am literally counting the days until he leaves for Japan in January.  In less than 3 months, my home will be my own again, and I won’t have to go out of my way to be sensitive to M.  I will be able to tell “dull as dirt” guy, “Sure, you can come over this weekend and make me dinner” (maybe he’s better in person…somehow I doubt it though…conversations about Adam12 and vegetarianism don’t make for a stimulating evening in my book).  Or, I could talk to Gigantor about his kids and job when I come home instead of trying to sort out what needs to be done around the house because M. was there messing it up all day (he still does his chores of washing his 2 plates a day and taking out the garbage once it starts falling on the floor…but I haven’t been there to do more than shower and sleep…would it kill him to sweep or dust the living room?).  I’m finally getting a hold on my life.  M. is my last obstacle, and the minute I drop him off at the National Guard post for his Japan trip, I’m done.  I’m free.  In the meantime, I feel like a prisoner on Cell block D.  😦 


Hopefully, once this is physically over my family will let it go (mentally and subconsciously, I’ve realized that I stopped being married a long time ago, and I stopped feeling married less than a week after we separated…I don’t even think of myself as married and have to stop myself from answering “single” on forms at work).  I feel sorry for M.  I probably shouldn’t.  But, I have no intention of spending the rest of my life tied to someone who only wants me there to screw him and take care of him.  That’s a two way street, and the guy I’m looking for will understand that I can do all of those things for him and more, but he must do his best to do all of those things for me as well.  Life is too short to have to fight for every scrap of love you get especially when it’s supposed to be coming from the person who loves you most in the world.  I’m just starting to wonder if that’s not true for my family as well.  Maybe it’s time I broke ties with all of it.  Just drop it all and walk away.  Let them all find a new whipping girl. 


So who peed in your Kool-aid today? 

P.S.- I got propositioned by a creepy gangsta stereotype at my public library today.  I don’t know what’s going on out there, but I don’t like it.  He came up to my window before I could start my car, mentioned that he had seen me around and said, “So you’re single now.”  That’s the sort of thing that will freak you out when you’re in the hidden corner of a deserted parking lot.  But I just said, “I’m separated but I’ve got a new boyfriend” hoping that would be enough to make him go away.  Instead, he kept grabbing his crotch and asked me if I knew “what they say about black men.”  Mmmm…oh yeah baby let’s just throw down here in the parking lot.  WTH???  Have men lost their ever lovin’ minds???  I’m beginning to have a genuine fear of the whang.


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I’m up at 4am ready to spit nails.  M. and I got into it over the rules of this debacle.  Apparently, the reason our marriage is failing (uh…I think he’s missed some points lately…like the one where our marriage is OVER) is that I’m too rigid.  Yeah, silly me, I thought it was because he refused to get help for his sexual hang-ups, his cheating on me with trannies (did I forget to mention that he was talking to trannies online when I caught him cheating last year? but he was just “experimenting”…yeah…), and his refusal to build a life with me in ANY way whatsoever.  Turns out it was because I didn’t let him do anything he wanted anytime, day or night.  Ooops, my bad!


Let’s do a meme!  Maybe it will keep me from finding the nearest jackhammer and putting it to work on his balls…


Kmommy tagged me for a meme last week and it goes a little somethin’ like this:


Here are the rules:


Grab the nearest book. Open the book to page 56. Find the fifth sentence. Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your journal/blog along with these instructions.  Don’t dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST. Tag five other people to do the same.


And then, once a day, usually after dark, they would lie down on special platforms and become unconscious.  They would stop functioning almost completely, except deep in their minds they would have adventures and experiences that were completely impossible in real life.


Now, I want to tag some of you newer folks!  In alphabetical order:  Danielle, BlondeBlogger, Heather (KelticKaos), Lola, and Suzie…wave to the crowd girls…what do you mean, “What crowd?” Ok, wave at those 10 people who read this….and as always, if you don’t meme or you’ve already done this one, then why not randomly link to people you like or people you don’t like…whatever floats your boat!  lol 


Btw, I’m not sure if I should award extra points for the person that recognizes that passage or avoid them forever.

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What do 10:00pm, 10:42pm, and 11:02pm have in common?  A crazy b**ch!


I’ve debated for the last couple of days about whether to talk about this or not, but uh…yeah…I’m so about to go there!


It didn’t take M. long to find someone to talk to online.  That’s fine.  It’s none of my business…until the crazy ho starts calling at all hours.  Yeah, I’m putting my b**ch hat on now! 


By 11:00pm, I’d had enough.  It was enough that she kept calling all evening while I was on the phone with Ginger, but 11pm?  That’s nuts (heh…little did I know).  I turned on Evil Honeywine, and put on my cooing-est voice when I answered the phone:


Lady- Hi, I’m sorry to bother you, but is M. there?


Me- Oh, no problem we were just getting into bed…here, hon.


M.- (silent shock and horror)


Yeah, I definitely put on the b**ch hat.  Unfortunately, the b**ch hat has a mind of its own and it says things like:  You’re being disrespected in YOUR OWN HOUSE by this cow, and that lying SOB is feeding her all manner of lines and LYING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.  I despise lying more than anything in the world.


I’d already been very polite to her 2 days in a row over this crap.  I’d even told her the best times to call him and relayed messages for him.  I think that’s about the limit of my involvement in his affairs.  Well, that’s what I thought until the b**ch hat took over. 


I’d had it through and through and I simply could not take the lying in my house.  I made myself loud and clear enough for her to hear.  I told M. to tell her the truth of his situation or I WOULD.  Why lie about it?  One reason, sympathy.  He wants to play the wounded calf, but that is a load of horse sh*t.  He finally hung up telling her it was alright and that he’d call her today.  I’m sure he’s still playing at it, but he’d better get her ass under control or I’ll kick the crap out of both of them. 


He yelled at me for trying to ruin his relationship.  Uh yeah, that’s what it is, a relationship.  I reminded him of his obligations and that I’ve been very respectful of his time and keeping my interactions to myself.  I also reminded him that anytime he wants to pull the plug I’ll drive his ass to the nearest bus stop.  Oh…and uh, M…you do remember that legally I can shove a stick up your butt you won’t be able to dislodge for the next 5-10yrs right?  If you want to know what a messy divorce looks like, I can soooo make that happen.  And, I will…not…hesitate…to do so if he screws me over.  As the plan is he really is out absolutely nothing, and at the end of my schooling, we split very simply…easy peasey.  I take nothing from him, and only ask that he fulfill his obligations as long as he lives here. 


Wouldn’t you think that would be enough?


This morning he was very apologetic and back tracking and crap.  I stuck to my guns.  He said he had told her not to be calling like that (uh…so did I buddy), but that she was acting a little “Fatal Attraction-y”.  Like that ain’t a big ol’ neon sign.  So, I said, “Is she just insecure since you’ve only been talking a few days?”  Then he spilled his guts.


M.’s latest find is bipolar and in DAILY group therapy sessions.  She isn’t allowed to drive because of her medications and those aren’t working well for her. 


He has called this woman.  She has caller ID.  She can find MY HOUSE!  He is so going first when that crazy bipolar b**ch shows up at 3am!


Looks like I might have to break a b**ch down…I’m tellin’ ya…



P.S.- I totally just realized that I missed Wordless Wednesday.  Dangit!

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We are officially separated. 


He admitted that he probably wouldn’t have married me if he had waited until he came back from Iraq.  I knew that, but I kept waiting for him to admit it these past 2 yrs.  He’s not ready to leave but he’s not ready to stay married.  He’s scared to move on, but the alternative hasn’t been working. 


He was hoping I’d go to Joe and it would blow up in my face.  It wasn’t a desire for reprisal as much as a desire for vindication.


We don’t hate each other.  M. told me that I’m his best friend, but that he treats his best friends pretty crappy too. 


Nothing has been settled really.  So far, we’re going to work the plan, and play it by ear.  There’s a lot of shame here, and we are waiting a few weeks before we tell our families. 


He’s sorry.


I’m sorry.


I don’t know what my future is anymore.


I’m still sick.

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What’s wrong with that?  Plenty.  I know what you’re thinking, “Total drama queen isn’t even happy when she’s HAPPY!” 


It’s never easy here in the Ghetto Trailer.  Never.  There always seems to be something waiting in the shadows to turn my life to crap.  Want to guess what that something was?  Yeah, it’s not the hardest game to win. 


M. knows about my talks with Joe over the past week.  Joe and I have been on the phone about every other day for about an hour.  It’s not like I’ve been absolutely consumed with talking to him, but it’s been nice to talk to someone you know so well.  He can’t hide anything from me and he never could, but the difference now is that he doesn’t want to.  Like I said, M. knows about all this and even knows what we talk about.  Heck, for all I care, he can listen in on the phone. 


The problem with all this is that I’ve been happy…very happy.  The smile in my eyes has been alight, and I’m even enjoying being in the house with M. more.  Understandably, one might think this would give a husband some pause.  Maybe I’m dense, but if my wife were suddenly very happy and talking to the ex-love of her life, I’d be concerned and maybe even take some steps to assure her that she’s still my “one”.  M. and I do not think alike apparently.  His reaction?  He asked me if I’d ever heard of a thing called an “open marriage”.  I wasn’t sure whether to throw up or laugh, and I’m still not sure.


In my oh-so-unsophisticated and un-French mind, open marriages are the last refuge of those desperate to get out of their marriage, but without the balls to do so.  In the very least, they are a frantic attempt at holding on to someone you think may be leaving you.  Now, I’m just trying to figure out which category M. is in. 


Is he even serious?  He sure seems to be.


I feel sick.


Does this make sense to anyone else???

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