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Archive for the ‘say what?’ Category

It’s an extremely rare Monday post… so you know it can’t be good…

 

I started out ranting in my head this morning over a tv host on a decorating show splurging $300 on 8yds. of fabric.  Seriously?  You HAVE GOT to be kidding me.  But I wasn’t really thinking about that all morning.  I wasn’t even thinking about today being the last real day of soldiering for Paladin (thankfully, he finally seems excited about this new phase of his life despite fighting it tooth and nail).  I wasn’t even thinking about the crap that Mull pulled this weekend (hopefully I’ll get to tell you about that tomorrow or Wednesday).  I was thinking about the same thing that’s been on my mind for weeks. 

 

It started out simply enough.  I had a break during some of the work I was doing here around the house and I took the opportunity to jump online and check my email which is something I do even more rarely than commenting on blogs these days.  In my email there was a quick note from an old girlfriend that I knew back when M. and I lived on Ft. Polk.  I could tell there was marital trouble on her mind even though she was asking what I was doing and I sent her a note about what I’d been up to since Christmas and asked her about her husband.  We were never exceptionally close friends but I guess we bonded over marriage and because I happened to be a shoulder when she found out about her husband’s infidelity while he was in Iraq.  We email a few times a year, and often it’s because one or the other of us needs a shoulder.  It’s kind of an odd relationship.  lol  In fact, my real life friends remind me a lot of my blogroll.  Some of my friends are VERY religious holy-roller types, some are the “margaritas after work” type, some are the Katy Perry boob flashing type, and some are just salt of the earth mommy types (even if they don’t have kids).  Friendship is something that’s been high on my mental list lately and it’s no secret why especially for those of you who have been around here for a while.  I’ve tried not to comment.  I’ve tried to wait it out and let it do what its gonna do.  But, let’s face it:  I suck at that.  So, I’m going to talk for a minute here.  It’s the LAST AND ONLY time.  I say these things with no expectations whatsoever:

 

If you’ve read this blog for a while, you can tell that I’m a pretty judgemental person.  I am.  I know that.  I’m good with that.  I often cop to being old-fashioned in my sensibilities.  I have my own sense of morality, and yes, it is situational.  If I love you, if I care about you, I WILL tell you what I think.  If you’re a friend of mine, you know that.  It happens too often for you NOT to know that.  It is a fault of mine.  BUT, it’s a fault I have absolutely NO intention of changing.  I have a lot of faults, too many to count I’m sure.  Some of my faults I’ve learned to control over the years, but my judgemental nature isn’t one of them.  It’s a core part of my personality.  It may not be the prettiest part, but it’s who I am.  I will not be changing that. 

 

I am a good friend.  Scratch that.  I AM A GREAT FRIEND.  I will sit with you for hours upon hours while you cry.  I’ll help you find a way to go on when you don’t think you can open your eyes another day.  I will hold your hand when everyone is coming right at you.  I will be have been your voice when you couldn’t speak for yourself, when others tried to push you in a direction you didn’t want to go.  I’ve got your back…always.  I’ll be the first person to send the new baby gift.  I’ll spend hours pouring over ideas when you want to redecorate your new place or for your big event.  I’ll laugh with you over Cher’s outfits.  I’ll gossip over ANYTHING with you.  And, when you find the person in your life who loves you and treats you like the greatest gift he can ever know, I’ll have tears in my eyes when I congratulate you. 

 

But, I won’t be ANYONES friend that feels I should be nothing but a “Yes Man”.  I won’t fart rainbows over your latest paramour that’s been around less than a month.  I won’t do flying leaps over some dude.  Sorry.  I’m just not that girl.  And, in case you haven’t NOTICED, I don’t expect you to do that either!  I’ll get excited when you’ve been together for 18 months, are engaged (complete with ring), or are expecting your first child.  That’s it.  That’s my line.  Until then, he’s just an accessory.  Do I expect you to be excited over every new guy?  OF COURSE!  You should be.  I respect that.  Hell, I’ll listen to you wax poetic over him just the way you let me wax poetic over my guy.  Until it’s more serious than swapping body fluids and daydreaming about what might be, it’s all fun, but I give it about the same amount of consideration I would if we were in high school and talking about the baseball players cute asses.  It’s delicious to think about grabbing on and making it yours forever, but it’s high school and we’re too young for forever.  I’m not going to turn a blind eye while you disrespect me, intentional or not.  People can say a lot of bad things about me, but the one thing that NO ONE can EVER call into question is whether or not I’m a good friend.  I’m sure I’ll be the first to say the thing you don’t want to hear.  I’ll be the first to point out the cliff you’re running toward.  And, yeah, I know that’s f**king annoying.  It’s the price you pay for my friendship. 

 

Or should I say paid?  Yes, I’m looking at you.  No, I didn’t break down and call.  No, I didn’t even send an ecard or comment on your blog.  I didn’t even break down and do that Facebook wall thingy.  And, I’m not going to.  I have cried over this many times in the past weeks.  I’ve fretted.  I’ve ranted to Tina and Paladin.  I’m shocked that it went down this way.  But, this is as far as I go.  Obviously, you didn’t like my opinion even if I tried to give it in the nicest/non-threatening way I could (yeah, I could have said something snotty…you know I could…remember my asking you if you were trying to be the new Pamela Anderson with the crazy rocker wannbe guy?).  The blog you wrote said to me “I’m over our friendship because you’re too judgemental and you aren’t there for me.”  I’ll admit that I’m not the person who picks up the phone 90% of the time, but I’m always waiting at the other end.  I haven’t got tons of time on my hands these days which kind of reminds me of the many, many times you’ve been in this same “too little time” situation.  I’ve always made time to talk to you whenever I could often putting my own stuff on hold in order to do it.  I’ve been a good friend to you, but if I’m not your friend anymore…if that’s true…I’ll deal with it because this is who I am.  Take it or leave it.  I love you.  I haven’t called you my friend in a LONG time.  I’ve said, “you’re not a friend, you’re family” more times than I can count because that’s the way I feel about you and the way my family feels about you.  But, I’m not willing to be loved one minute and reviled the next.  No, I won’t be your Yes Man.  I can’t do a Pamela & Tommy Lee kind of friendship.  I wear my heart on my sleeve that way.  I won’t ever think of you as an ex-friend.  I’ll be sad to see you go, but I won’t stop you and I won’t run after you.  If this is a war of wills over who talks first, this is as close as I’ll come.  Maybe our friendship has come to an end.  Maybe it’s just changed into an “acquaintaince” friendship where we’re civil if we meet, but not close.  And, maybe it will slip into a “friendship coma” where we don’t hate each other but never speak again.  I may not have been the friend you wanted me to be, but I do believe that I’ve been the friend you needed.  If you don’t need me in your life, let it fall.  Think it over long and hard first, but I will accept whatever comes next. 

 

Like I said, this is the ONE AND ONLY time I will speak of this.

 

I’ve been pretty spotty in the blog reading these days, and I always feel guilty when I post like this but don’t have the time to stop and read yours (especially a couple of really cool new bloggers that recently poked their heads in!  seriously, go look at Steph’s page…I’m seriously jealous of her!  and Blondi has the coolest music thing at the bottom…I was listening to it while I wrote this).  I’m always glad to see ya’ll.  I think about your blogs even when I can’t take the time out to read or just can’t get to a computer.  I swear by Scarlett O’Hara’s green curtain dress that some day I will get it all together and be a master multi-tasker who can do it all.  Unfortunately, my kit is still in the mail.  😦  So, I’ll catch up with ya’ll when I can.

 

Hugs, Honeywine.

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Virgo Moon

.I had one weird ass day, yesterday.  It started out with a few phone calls to Marrying Kind and 28, and then out of boredom I sent out a “how’s your day going?” text to a few of my leading men.   What happened next was not what I had expected. 

 

Dull Boy answered first.  His day wasn’t going well at all.  He even used a frowny emoticon, and I have never in almost 3 months seen him use a single emoticon.  I texted back asking if he was ok, and he replied telling me not to worry.  Cuz…you know…nothing makes a person not worry like someone telling them, “Don’t worry.”  I messaged back but didn’t hear another thing out of him.  So, yeah, I am actually worried about Dull Boy.

 

Gig was next.  This was very SURPRISING.  I hadn’t talked to Gig in almost 2 weeks.  We usually spend time on the phone on the weekends, but this last weekend I had so many dates that I just didn’t get a chance to sit with him for hours shooting the breeze.  I kinda missed that too.  But, we hadn’t been texting since our little cool-off/break-up (or whatever the hell it is…search me).  He texted me telling me how there had been an accident that day and that a driver had been killed.  Scared the hell out of me!  I thought he’d been with them since sometimes he has another guy with him.  He wasn’t thankfully, and he said much the same thing as Dully Boy about not worrying with much the same result!  Thanks, boys.  Yeah, thing is I like you enough not to want bad things to happen to you.  Silly me.  I guess my “competition” wasn’t around for Gig to talk to and he knew I’d care.  Yeah, silly, silly me.

 

Supplier replied, but he’s been busy.  He’s been macking too.  lol  We’re in the same place I guess.  🙂  Who knows?

 

The oddest text of all?  JOE.  Joe’s name is under Gig’s in my cell and I guess I accidentally hit his name too (probably a Freudian thing).  This started a series of “I want to see you”  and “I’m off this week” texts.  Puuuhhhlease.  I know him.  There’s only two reasons for him to talk to me either he’s running out of ho’s or he’s missing what we had.  I told him I was seeing several other people and he started this “no strings” thing.  It’s probably a one day thing.  Joe tends to take a fancy to an idea and then leave it alone. 

 

Stalker wasn’t texted but he called last night to talk for a few minutes.  He’s been working a double shift which as anyone knows can slow down even the most eager of stalkers.  lol  He’s wanting a date for Friday, and he might get it.

 

Now to the elimination round…

 

Private Dancer pulled some crap on IM last night and this morning we had a little standoff.  He was out of sorts last night and refused to talk about it but it was obvious that something was going on.  He got testy and left.  I asked him if I had done something wrong this morning because I’m…what’s that word…NICE.  He got all up in arms and said I was crowding him (funny…you seemed pretty interested in that red lace bra I was wearing…what? gotta give the boys something to fight for!).  I told him not to worry that I didn’t need this crap.  He started laughing about me wanting to leave at the first ill word.  And, I just told him that it wasn’t that.  I don’t need somebody who wants to blow hot and cold and puts his own stuff off on me.  That was that!  Ask me how relieved I am!!!  Woohoo!!!  I got out and I didn’t even have to break anyone’s heart since he started it.  Best of all, it means that Major Cox has a clear path to my heart.  🙂  I can even go to the Welcome Home Ceremony if I want!  It’s great.  Today, Major Cox is online IM’ing me and pretending he is here putting up the Christmas tree with me.  How sweet is he?  I mean to tell ya.  If he’s half this good when he does get home, I may be truly smitten.

 

Second in the elimination round was Marrying Kind.  He had also been acting oddly since Tuesday night questioning me on all sorts of things.  We were on the phone several times yesterday talking about things, just life in general.  He brought up Eveready by location and then the conversation came around to Gig.  He insisted that Gig’s texts indicated his desire to have me in his life more (not even close buddy…I know Gig).  Prior to this, Marrying had been very loose about my other relationships insisting on being allowed into every facet of my life, and I had obliged to some extent.  He knew the major hurdle with Eveready and had been confident in having children himself but suddenly he was all “what if we don’t?”.  I shrugged it off.  We were talking about going to his office Christmas party this Friday.  Then he said something kind of off about liking his friends. Finally, I told him to get to the heart of the matter and when he hemmed and hawed, I spelled it out for him.  I had made no bones about not liking his so-called friends.  These include “swingers” who don’t so much swing as cheat on each other and call it swinging, women who let him buy them and their kids expensive cellphones on his phone plan, and just general users.  Trash, pure trash, I’m tellin’ ya.  And, that’s precisely what I told him.  Then I told him that this wasn’t going to work out because I’d never be ok with being around those types of people.  He said, “I still want to know you and talk to you.”  I cut him short with, “Didn’t you tell me that I needed to make a clean break from the other guys?  What’s the point in postponing the inevitable?”  So, no more of the Marrying Kind. 

 

Whew!  After a day like that, I was a bit confused to say the least!  Kind of despondent, I went over to an astrology site where a paragraph was talking about the Virgo Moon.  Apparently, the Virgo Moon was supposed to be great for “cleaning house” and uncomplicating your life.  Well, that explains it!  It’s supposed to continue for today I think.  So, I need to stay away from anyone I want to keep!  lol

 

As for a question that several of you have asked, how do I keep them all straight?  It’s not hard.  I actually remember their names, first and last, and the details of their life.  Now, I don’t memorize their phone numbers unless I call them a lot, but I even remember their children’s and pet’s names usually.  They aren’t numbers to me.  They really are people that I’m interested in and want to know.  I don’t lie to them or try to hide anything about myself.  So, I don’t have to worry about telling someone something I shouldn’t. 

 

Am I going all ga-ga over the guys because of my weight loss?  The answer to that one is, “Maybe.”  I can’t say for sure since this is a new experience for me, but I doubt it.  I dated a good bit when I was 500lbs.  Seriously, I did and that is not exactly the norm and it REALLY wasn’t the norm all those years ago (it’s been 6 yrs since I actively dated….  I think I have a wider appeal now at my MUCH smaller size, and I have a policy of never turning someone down for shallow reasons such as looks (one of the above men looks for all the world like Smeagol in Lord of the Rings).  However, I am considering hanging a sign that says, “You must be this tall for the Honeywine ride!”  Anytime someone is more than an inch shorter than me, the kissing becomes awkward.  😦 

 

There is always something about a man that sets him apart.  I like men.  I’ve always been terribly fond of them and I’m not just speaking sexually.  Men are so much easier to figure out.  Their actions usually do all they’re talking, and it’s only when I try to understand their emotional side that I get confused and caught up.  Unlike some people, I really don’t believe in that stereotype of the unfeeling male.  A lot of times, I think they just aren’t sure what they are feeling and when they do, they have learned not to say anything because of the reactions they have gotten in the past.  Men are great on so many levels and I’m a genuine fan.  And that’s without the sex which I consider a category unto itself.  Not that I’ve been up to that lately!  lol

 

Any other questions?  🙂  Honeywine is an open book.  Maybe too open!  lol

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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 I dare you not to giggle while watching a 5mos. old puppy outsmart a grown man.   

Me~~If I were a puppy with say… a silver jingle bell…what would I do with it? 

M.~~Put it under the couch for me to get down on my hands and knees to find? 

Me~~Right under your very feet, in fact. 

Pascal~~Ain’t this fun!?!  (staring up innocently at M. with his tail wagging) 

M.~~That little evil brain is always plotting, isn’t it. 

Me~~Yep. 

Repeat about 20 times.  lol 

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December 26-Sick

Me~~Now I know I’m getting sick.  I just thought “Yay, Star Trek Voyager is on.”

M.~~Why would you think that?

Me~~I dunno.  I guess the theme song is soothing?

M.~~So what is the best Star Trek theme ever?  And don’t say Enterprise!

Me~~Enterprise.

M.~~::sighs:: Then what’s the silver medal?

Me~~::about to say I don’t remember them::

M.~~And if you don’t remember them I have them all on my ITunes!

Me~~::resolving to never speak to him again…or at least be in dire need of more chai tea first::

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