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Posts Tagged ‘walmart’

.The thing about being so consumed with ho’ing and work is that (a) it’s tiring and (b) you don’t have much time to blog! On the upside, the content is a little more interesting I hope. 🙂
 

 

.This past weekend was non-stop.
 

 

.Thursday I got several calls from Dr. MM’s assistant telling me that 2 weeks from today I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon. Can I get a W00T? lol Ok, so Thursday isn’t the weekend by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s close! I also have appointments the first week of December with Dr. MM and Dr. Chung, my gastric bypass surgeon in Lake Charles. Hmmm…Gig is in Lake Charles too…hmmm…
 

 

.Friday morning I was sitting at the Subway inside our local Walmart awaiting an early lunch date with the Deputy. Originally, we had planned to meet at 10am. The night before I sent him an email saying I’d be there between 10 and 10:30 just in case I was a little late. For once, everything fell into place, and I not only made it on time, I was a little early. I was looking fabulous of course, and I sat there texting Gig and Ginger while I waited. Then came 10:15 and no sign of Deputy. I chilled and fended off a few pick-up artists (yeah, apparently they are EVERYWHERE now!). By 10:30, I was a little aggravated, and Deputy was nowhere in sight. I gave him until 10:45 (yes, I am generous like that) and I quit waiting and started shopping for groceries for the weekend. I’ve dated cops before and it’s like dating a doctor sometimes because if something goes down they all tend to converge upon it especially in a small town where not much goes down. Yes, I figured it was something of that nature and I left a voicemail telling him that he’d better have a damned good excuse. I was nearly finished shopping when I got a text from Deputy saying, “Just finished.” To which, I texted, “Finished what?” while I thought to myself, ‘You about finished with me buddy boy!’ He then called explaining that there had been a problem at the jail and they’d had a meeting and didn’t I get his email? No, I did not check my email; I have enough stuff to do in the mornings. However, I told him it was ok that I was still at Walmart and I’d wait for him.
 

 

.Once, Deputy finally did arrive things just plain got weird. I never noticed how nervous some men get on a first date. Poor Deputy was about to lose it. lol He was very apologetic about the mix up, and seemed sure that I’d dump him immediately for being almost an hour and a half late. I didn’t, of course, but I did make him sweat it out a little. We headed out to the local steakhouse for lunch and a lot of chatting. Then the weird began. Ok, not so much weird as awkward. During the date, he mentioned getting married and I could see the “whoa I DID NOT mean to say THAT” look all over his face. I honestly forgot how often men go to that place with me, not to mention how quickly. He also repeatedly mentioned the possibility that I would throw him over to go back to my husband usually with a nervous giggle included. Did I mention that this was our FIRST date? We had only had about a week of emails and a couple of phone calls prior to this! The waitress was kind of pushy and brought the check as quick as she could and hovered until he paid it. Since we had gotten the bum’s rush, I suggested we sit in his truck and talk. After all, Walmart had us on video leaving together and I left a detailed description of who I was going to be with that day (a good practice when dating online). We were in the truck all of 10 minutes when he started it up and said something about showing me the Rosepine projects. That confused me a little and I said something about cops always wanting to be on patrol. Then it became very clear. He was taking me home. To his home, that is (I guess he figured if I lived in a ghetto that he must live in the projects…ok lol ). We took a quick tour of the place. He introduced me to his father and then decided to take me down a back road to see the other end of the property. I don’t know if having 911 already dialed on my phone would have helped, but I was about to go there! That was definitely on the weird side. It’s certainly the first time I’ve met the parents on a first date. Fortunately, he wasn’t a serial killer just a very out of practice dater. By the time he took me back to my car, he was pretty smitten. He grabbed me and laid a kiss on me and I have only one thing to say about that: OMG, the WORST kiss I think I’ve ever had, and I’ve dated a lot of dorks! It was like kissing a dying guppy…no…big mouth bass. True, it was not quite as bad as that Sex and the City episode where Charlotte has some guy lick her face, but it was so not good! lol I didn’t make a big deal about it though because he looked like he’d fall into the center of the earth at the first ill word. Instead, I just smiled and told him not to worry about being out of practice (earlier I had said the same thing because he was so nervous and I’m the first date he’s had since he came back to this area 8 mos. ago). He promptly tried to lock down a date for Thanksgiving. ROFL Yep, that’s Honeywine’s dating game! You just never know how it’s all gonna go down! I may see him this week though. I like to give someone a few chances to get it right. I’m such a sucker. lol
 

 

.Now, to the incredible news!
 

 

.Gig came up this weekend! It was the longest first date of my life. We are incredibly comfortable together which is no shock. He pointed out to me that we had been talking for a month. I seriously did not realize that we had been talking that long. It’s no wonder that it felt as though we had known each other forever. Little revelations were still coming out though. He told me about his baby brother’s death at the age of 12 (Gig was 28 at the time and hadn’t been around much…there were 5 sons and a daughter…wanna guess their religion?). He also told me some things about the Marines including his level of “clearance” which was high enough to see some things that no one should know about (ok, that kind of thing is kind of a turn on…it was the same way with M.’s clearance…being a radio operator, M. had to have a clearance for his Army job…when M. told me about that a year after we’d been married, he totally got lucky…mostly, I kept thinking that maybe he’s not a jerk…maybe he’s a secret agent! lol ). I also got to see Friend when he was showing me pictures on his iPod and his face showed nothing but disdain when I came upon it (I had him point out the one’s he’d actually met and the one’s he was going to meet…there were three in the “met” category…there was only one pic in the “meeting” category and it was mine).
 

 

.Everything with Gig has been above board, and it’s incredibly sick that his honesty scares me. It does though. I think I’m falling in love with him. Yes, I’m well aware that I’m thinking of going out with Deputy again, but that has more to do with Gig than with my feelings. Gig is very non-commital or at least he won’t say anything about how he feels about me. If I’m going by his actions, I believe that he feels the same way I do. There is something here, and it could be the best thing either of us has ever found. But, I can’t…ok, I won’t…put my life on hold for him unless he’s willing to do the same. He’s got me twisting in the wind right now. After he left, I got a text from him saying that it would be a while before he could figure this out and that he had to “work out” me being 2 hours away. I thought he might be setting me up for a dumping and I called him. The way he explained himself left little doubt that he’s thinking of asking me to move in with him in the coming months. His eye is on the future and he thinks we have one together. How is that for BIG and SCARY???
 

 

.All my talk over the last months about looking at a man’s actions instead of listening to the pretty words is coming back to haunt me. It turns out that at some point you want both. I’m hanging on loosely. And, that means that Deputy may get another date. I want to see my options, but it reminds me of buying my Junior High School graduation dress. I saw that dress in the window and I knew it was the one. I went into the store and tried several others before I’d even take a closer look at it, but the minute I put that dress on, I knew it was right. I just got my first look at Gig, but I already know it’s going to be all or nothing with us.
 

 

.Well folks, I may not get to blog as much as I used to but hey, the content isn’t too shabby, right? lol Now, I know I’ve been doing a great disappearing act around here lately. There just isn’t enough time in the day when it takes 3 hours on dial-up to catch up with ya’ll. Fortunately, I’ve taken the entire week at Brian’s except for Wednesday in order to let Tina have time off to get things done at Mom’s. This should also allow me to catch up with every single one of you! I miss ya’ll. 😦 Today it’s raining and Brian’s dsl goes out in the rain. So here I am just a few minutes from leaving and I’m desperately trying to get this to load. If you see it, I’m successful and am hoping for dry weather and loverly dsl tomorrow! I’ll catch ya’ll then!
 

 

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M. got called up last night (really it was early Thursday) by the National Guard.  They’re preparing for Gustav early apparently.  I’ve been in Louisiana for over 30 years; unless it’s Category 3 or above, I don’t worry one bit.  Rita made us a bit more skittish, but I still don’t go crazy getting ready.  I always stay stocked up on most things, and the worst that can happen is that I fill a bathtub with water.  But, Tina and I are going to stock up for Brian today.  Ugghhh.  I’m not looking forward to it.  People act crazy around here during this crap (too many Yankees!).  So I’ll have to catch ya’ll tonight!

 

*UPDATE*  If you’ve been here and left a comment in the last few days, I apologize.  I’ve been a bad blogger, and I’m taking tonight and tomorrow to catch up.  Rest assured if you’ve left me a comment, you will get a comment.  And if you make a habit of it (at least a few times), you’ll make the blog roll!  🙂  I think I’m going to try to wear out this dial-up connection until Gustav hits!  Which now will apparently be late Monday/early Tuesday.  I never trust the weather reports until it hits the Gulf.  There are too many factors until then, but they are saying that Louisiana is going to be the bullseye and it will be a Category 3.  I guess M. will get a proper taste of a La. hurricane.  At Cat 3, we shouldn’t sustain too much damage which makes it a good one to cut his teeth on (I think it’s mainly going to be a test to see how the emergency services react…and that’s why they’re starting so early), but there’s always a chance.  Around town most gas stations are out of fuel.  Nearly everyone in Walmart was freaking out and buying reams of water and supplies.  I bought an extra bag of beans and put an extra bottle of water in the freezer.  lol  Can you tell my feathers don’t ruffle easily?  Tina and I are planning to take those pics of the bustier tomorrow.  I’m a little nervous because I don’t trust the weather anymore (thanks global warming), but I’m not too worried.

 

Oh…and did I mention yet another baby incident.  This one was mostly on me though.  There were of course the requisite cute Walmart babies including the cutest mini-Buckwheat imitator I’ve ever seen!  Man, where is the camera when you need it?  Then Tina sent me down the tobacco aisle for Brian’s Marlboro’s (yuck), and I got stuck waiting behind a young mother with her 2 month old for almost 15 minutes (forever in baby time) while they waited for a price check.  After smiling aloofly (is that a word?) for most of that time as they cooed and fussed over him, I gave up and asked how old he was (I already knew the answer…I know babies).  After the mother answered, the cashier broke in and said, “Do they have more back there?”  I swear that for half a second my adled brain thought, “They sell babies at Walmart.  How much?  I have my credit card if it’s not over…”  Yep, that’s how baby brained I am now days.

 

 

**************UPDATE #2**************

 

M. got to New Orleans at 1:30am this morning.  That’s definitely not helping my stress level.  We’re all prepared here on the hill (well…actually I’m at work right now).  Brian is heading out this morning to pick up a generator and has offered for us to come and stay here.  So, we have some place to go if the heat and humidity post-Gustav gets to be too much for Mom (she’s the only one we really worry about…other than a tree coming down on our heads, and there ain’t much you can do about that!).  The projected path from NOAA sends Gustav right over top of our houses.  Yeah…that’s comforting.  Still, it will lose strength before it gets to us (land will slow it down).  We’re well prepared with plenty of supplies.  Heck, I’ll probably even post tomorrow (I finished that Palahniuk book), and I have more than one stressful thing going on right now.  Tomorrow and Tuesday are going to be very long days of waiting.

 

Thanks for all the well wishes!  I’ll be in touch with ya’ll before Gustav hits.  When I’m stressed, I clean, and unfortunately, I already have cleaned my house and Brian’s to within an inch of their lives!  So I really have nothing to do but a little laundry and to wait for the next few days.  Bad for my nerves.  Good for your blogs!  lol  Laters!

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Yesterday was a GREAT DAY!  It’s been a really long, long time since I had a great day.  It was so nice to be able to be both relaxed and productive simultaneously.

 

First, I got rid of M. for several hours while he went to his school to arrange for his LAST semester.  WOOT!  Unfortunately, he got talked into taking 4 credit hours extra despite the fact that he’s going to miss almost two months of school due to Army obligations (i.e. trips to Japan and a school for sergeants).  Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, but what do I know (insert giant eye roll)?  And, he’s still thinking about working on top of all of this.  Obviously, I don’t give him enough to do around the house in spite of my mother’s disapproving looks when I tell her he’s home washing dishes (Mom- Do you ever wash dishes anymore?  Me- Not unless he’s gone more than 2 days.  I often have to defend my decision to give him chores…he only goes to school 3 hrs a day…the vast majority of his time is spent making sure the couch doesn’t float away…I think he’ll live…when he goes to work, I’ll gladly return to my June Cleaver ways…he daydreams about those days). 

 

While M. was gone I managed to get two days worth of my school work done (coincidence? I think not) before getting a panic inducing message about the car.  The night before, the mechanic told us we’d need a new transmission, and Will had worked one of his back room deals to get us one for $400 (meaning our total bill would have been somewhere around $700…just barely doable).  Yesterday morning, the mechanic called and said he was checking it out again and to call him before we bought the other transmission.  When I called him back, he told me it was fixed and the bill was just $150!  WOOT, again!  It turned out that the filter was clogged.  If it hadn’t been so cheap to fix, I’d have been really pissed because when I had the transmission serviced at the dealer they were supposed to replace the filter.  SOBs!

 

Happily solvent again, I picked up the car and went into town to pick M. up at school.  He and I went to DeRidder to see if the Sears there had an electric weed trimmer (M. killed mine the other day, but it was 5yrs old…I highly recommend the electric Craftsman weed trimmer with the hassle free line), and to get groceries.  I’ve decided to do a combo version of the Fit for Life diet and the Somersize diet (I think it’s pretty close to the South Beach one too…but I couldn’t find enough info on the South Beach diet to be sure) where we have fruit for breakfast, a veggie/carb/bean meal (fat free only…most likely a veggie sandwich or a Mexican flavored burrito) for lunch, and a veggie/meat/cheese/fat meal at dinner (no bread or other carbs).  The result is almost no processed foods (we bought bread because I just don’t have the time right now to bake my own) and a very unhappy M. this morning.  Again, he’ll live.  We’re not trying to lose any weight right now, just clear out our systems.

 

Then I did something positively out of character.  On a whim, I walked into the Walmart there and got myself a $15 haircut without carrying in so much as a picture.  Calm down and breathe.  lol  It actually came out rather well.  I picked something from a book, and the stylist did a pretty great job at recreating it  (I promise to put up a pic in a couple of days…I bought hair dye too and I’m debating about going ahead with it).  Usually, I pick a celebrity and get that hairstyle (Marilyn Monroe or Tiffany Amber Thiessen…in other words a short layer cut or a long layer cut…not the hardest or most original cuts to do, but they work with my soft curls).  This time it came out a little differently, but I couldn’t quite figure out what it reminded me of.  Then I stepped in front of the bathroom mirror last night and it hit me.  I have Flashdance hair!  All I need is a bucket of water thrown over my head.  It is tres sexy!

 

I was in such a good mood that I hit shuffle on my Radio Honeywine playlist on the Windows Media Player.  In an uncharacteristically spontaneous act (well, uncharacteristic of the past year), M. got off the couch and we did a home version of Prom 2008 to “our song” (Bryan Adams’ “Everything I Do I Do It For You”).  Yep, it was a pretty awesome day.

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Did you miss me?  I know, I’ve been AWOL a lot lately.  There’s really been only one thing going on this week (well, two if you count a chest cold that M. has been fighting since last Saturday…oh the phlegm…or was that the Blob?…eeewwww).  I’ve been writing a paper which is due today, and naturally, I didn’t even start it until about 4 days ago (the hacking from the other side of the bed sent me running in the wee hours…it’s not that I’m particularly gross-out-able but the spitting gets to me after a while…uuugghh).  As it turned out it had to be 20 pages and for once I had picked a topic that forced me to write it from scratch.  Yes, I’m an idiot; usually I just piece something together from other papers I’ve written, but some 18 hours of work later it’s done.  Anyhow, I didn’t think ya’ll would be dying to know the ins and outs of a program designed to spread the Voluntary Simplicity word and provide the poor with charitable donations which would allow them to join local community organizations.  Oy, can you tell my head is still mired in the details?

 

On to something a bit more mindless…

 

I was sitting in the parking lot of M.’s school looking at my Harper’s Bazaar mag, and I couldn’t help but think one thing, “Even if I could spend $150 on a bikini, would I?”  You might recall a couple of posts ago when I mentioned how bored I am with my look.  My current look is carefully crafted mind you, and tends to be a mix of bohemian chic occasionally spiffed up with something slinky.  There’s good reason for this.  Tunics, a boho staple, tend to be my best bet since they often have ¾ sleeves and all their emphasis is on the neckline (never get into an arm flab contest with me…I can beat anything you’ve got…thank you gastric bypass…in my next book the mom/serial killer is using nothing but arm flab as her weapon).  I do love them because I throw on some fab dangly earrings, some funky ethnic bracelets, and my knock-off designer sunglasses and away I go looking oh so put together.  But my tunics are starting to get a bit warn and I’m not seeing many that I like in the stores.  This can only mean one thing:  FASHION CRISIS!!! (the alarm sounds as Mama Armflab flies into action flapping her wings as she takes out plus size designers everywhere)

 

I have simple rules when it comes to my clothing:

 

1.     It must have a sleeve.  And, I’m not talking about those little cap sleeves they’ve been putting on all the cute t-shirts lately.  (wth is up with that, Walmart?…fat girls need real sleeves!…add $1 to the price and give me a sleeve!)

2.     An interesting neckline is a major plus.  I gots the tatas, and I likes to use them.  They are one of the few good things about extra pounds (though I’ve lost volume in those too…but you roll these suckers up and stuff them into a good bra and it ain’t too shabby).

3.     Everything from my tits to my ankles has to be covered.  I don’t have cankles; I have CANKLES!  Even my calves have drooping skin and it just grosses me out.  And, to paraphrase, Suzanne Sugarbaker (aka Delta Burke on Designing Women), like Grandma said, “If it don’t look good, don’t put it out on your front porch.”

4.     When it comes to bright color or pattern, put it on top.  I also gots a big behonky, and although I don’t mind my big booty, I don’t feel the need to make it my sole focus.  Balance is everything; so when I look at an outfit overall and my eye is immediately drawn to the neckline, top, or shoulders, I know it’s just right.  Therefore, most of the cute screenprinted tops don’t work either with their penchant for putting the printing on the bottom.  Make me bigger around the middle?  No, thanks.

5.     If all else fails, take a picture!  If I’m not sure it looks right, I have someone take a digital picture of me in it.  Then I can judge it better.  I suppose if you have a really hard time judging the outfit instead of your hair, etc., you could cut your head off of the picture to make it easier.  J

 

 

Mind you, about a month ago, I found out that we can get our Tricare medical insurance back at a mere $260 a month.  Chances are good it will cover reconstructive plastic surgery (yes that’s me you hear giggling and dancing in the background).  Hopefully, a year or two from now, I won’t have anything but scars in need of coverage.  To quote the geeks, W00t!

 

However, in the meantime, I’ve got cankles to cover.  Consequently, cooler weather is also my friend, even though I freeze to death most of the time (M. took my temperature the other day and I was 96.9…I didn’t even feel cold…makes me wonder what it is when I’m freezing).  Cooler weather opens up a lot of possibilities with all the jackets and layering:  denim rocker chick, preppie in a vest (striped tank over a mandarin collar tunic) & corduroy coat, Dallas reject in a long faux fur (move over Sue Ellen).  But what do I do now that the boho tunic thing seems to be falling out of fashion favor? 

 

Yes, I know they’re still doing the Ally McGraw style of 70’s tunics and caftans (I do loves me a caftan…some cute thongs, big earrings, & an updo makes me a very trendy Mrs. Roper), but I long for structure.  I’m not afraid to show my figure.  I just want the outline of it and not the whole show or a giant sack! 

 

 

Last night was Tina’s birthday (she’s totally old and was really enjoying this Bahama Mama), so after a dinner at The Landing on Front Street in Natchitoches, LA (home of the movie Steel Magnolias), we drove back through Alexandria (where the aunt in Steel Magnolias was supposed to live…you know the one that made that bleedin’ armadillo cake), and had just enough time to hit Burlington Coat Factory before it closed.  I was on the hunt, and I was seriously disappointed.  What I was really looking for was some Calvin Klein Jeans brand t-shirts (if you know where to find them PLEASE TELL ME).  I found one at Burlington before in a 3x which made it loose enough to cover the flab and all the cool screenprinting was done starting at the shoulder (awesome!), but alas, they had plenty like it in the Misses sizes but none in the big girl sizes.  WHY?  They obviously make them! 

 

They did a survey a few years ago that said that something like 60% of people wouldn’t mind not having so many fashion seasons, and I’m starting to agree.  Take a look at pattern books and there are lots of designs, but often it’s the fabrics & trims which make the look change from one style to another.  But I just don’t have the time to run myself up 5 or 6 new tops every few months on the trusty sewing machine.

 

I LOVE fashion.  I do.  I get half a dozen fashion mags a month (Bazaar, Marie Claire, Elle, etc…Bazaar is my favorite for their back page “in & out” section…it will never steer you wrong though I don’t always agree with it…it’s great for those who can’t afford a stylist and are fashion challenged).  But for years I’ve been wondering, where is my store?  Cato’s has a nice selection and so do several other shops that focus on larger sizes (Avenue, Lane Bryant, Roamans, Jessica London, Fashion Bug).  But, inevitably, they have the dowdy-est colors and patterns that make me want to gag, and the more traditional retailers offer up only a few token items for the big girls (and they’re definitely not focusing on covering up my arm flab).  What is a girl to do????  NO, REALLY…TELL ME!

 

 

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We’re on our morning trip with NPR riding sidesaddle when I hear the oddest and what I assumed to be the rudest thing I’d hear all day:  

“I just got an award given to me by a Beatle. Have you had that happen yet, Kanye?” Vince Gill at Sunday’s Grammy Awards some time after Kanye West had gone over the time allotted his acceptance speech to talk about his recently deceased mother. 

WTF was that???  Are Gill and West in an East coast/West coast style feud or something?  Why would anyone make such a remark?  It seems a bit snarky to me even if Kanye did smile when Gill said it. 

I’ve mentioned Kanye West in humorous passing before which is very odd since I have no idea what he sings (I’m old and will defend my desire to sing along to Barry Mannilow to the death!).  It’s even odder that he seems to keep popping up on my radar.  Then again, maybe it’s not him.  Maybe it’s the rudeness that I keep running into. 

While at the big W (aka Walmart aka home of the shopping damned) this morning, I found it in the form of a nasty little woman.  I was in a relative hurry, and early in the morning there are almost no lines open at W.  Thus, I chose the 20-items-or-less line (usually I take my time and don’t really care how quickly I get out of the store but today Murphy’s Law kicked me in the nads).  And what did I find?  A rude woman…let’s call her…Bleach Dump or BD (for her WAY OVER PROCESSED blond hair and her attitude respectively).  BD proceeds to load about 40 items onto the counter; no big deal since it’s not unusual to have a cashier let you into this line if there’s no one waiting.  Then BD pulls out a credit card that’s in her bosses name to pay for the items, and granted, she was wearing a t-shirt with the name of her supposed employer’s business.  When the very nice cashier refused to accept the card without approval from her supervisor, BD got just plain SNOTTY.  “Ask for Soandso.  They all know me here.  I come in all the time.” She said loudly.  Then BD proceeds to complain that this particular cashier always does this to her and how she can’t stand her.  Meanwhile, I ignored her tirade (which I assume was some sort of whacked defense mechanism) as did the other lady in line.  I was insulted FOR the cashier!  Once she returned with manager approval, BD continued to be snotty and then walked around and picked up a Dr.Pepper to add to the total before she left.  The cashier immediately began apologizing and defending herself.  There was no need to do so!  Straight away, I told her that if BD is such a trusted employee they should get her a card in her name, and that I could make a t-shirt like she was wearing with no trouble at all.  There are scammers everywhere, and BD shouldn’t have taken it so personally. 

Rudeness has reached epidemic proportions and I’m just plain sick of it!  There’s something about being in a check-out line that makes people act like animals.  I’ve seen similar incidents at least twice a week in a variety of stores.  Where’s the ribbon for this cause?  Because everyone needs to be wearing it!

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Wow, I can’t believe that I haven’t posted in almost a week.  Life hasn’t exactly been pleasant, but my school has assured me that by the 26th all will be well.

Since I’m living in denial at the moment, I’ve been alternately moping (aka lurking online especially at Etsy) and trying to find things to do around the house that cost nothing.  Wednesday night M. was getting ready for school, and I was mulling over all the things I could do once things were straightened back out.   

On the short list was redecorating the bedroom (seen in M.’s pic on the About Me page).  The dark, Arabian Nights meets Vampire the Masquerade theme was great at the apartment, but in the GT (ghetto trailer) it made the room really dark which is good if you like to sleep in (and M. does).  But it just felt wrong.  Being a hillbilly by birth (eastern KY), I am very superstitious and a complete believer in Feng Shui (Feng Shui Hillbilly what a great country/karaoke band…I loved their single “Karaoke Pokey”).  Many moons ago (before M.), I had Feng Shui’d the trailer and it hadn’t occurred to me to change any of it.  Once I had started thinking about redecorating, an idea popped into my head, ‘Is there any way to increase your chances of getting pregnant with Feng Shui?’  To my surprise, I found some articles online that insisted, “Yes, it is possible.”  [I’ve listed the links to the articles below.]   

M. scoffed.  He does that a lot.  It seems to be a basic part of his DNA. 

I, however, will take any advice at this point (if you’ve got tips send ‘em my way ladies!).  So far the only thing I haven’t done is stand on my head after sex and chant the Third Reich’s favorite poems (I always sucked at that…the standing on my head part…ok, the poetry too).  And according to the Feng Shui articles, our bedroom could not have been less conducive to baby making than…well…someone standing there reciting poems about what a wonderful fella that Hitler guy was while the bow-chicka-bow-wow went down. EEEWWW.  The bed was opposite its ideal position.  The deep, Valentino red (Walmart Colorplace paint) was burning up all the chi.  M. was sleeping in the wrong spot.  And, although the room was designed for marital passions (and worked in that regard thank you very much), it was not designed with a family focus.   

Still M. sat staring at the tv and scoffing intermittently.  Little did he know (and really, by now he should know!) that a few feet away I was figuring out if I had any green paint or if I’d have to settle for the Orange Whip (which is actually a yellow-based cream color from Walmart) that’s on our ceilings.   

Oh how I hoped there would be some green.  I despise cream colored rooms.  The only way they look right to me is when the trim is painted in pure white or another high contrast trim color such as black.  Then the cream looks deliberate.  Otherwise, it just looks like rental properties.  Yuck.   

Uh…Ignore unintentional ranting due to military life flashback. 

Anyhow, M. woke me and Pas up at 6am on Thursday, and within an hour, he was gone and I had procured a nearly full gallon of white paint and a quart of Peapod (yeah…Walmart again…I know I am the downfall of small town life).  When M. returned at 1pm, I had just put the finishing touches on the second coat of the mint green paint (with a soft, dulled, country look…not counting the primer coat…and all thanks to a well-placed box fan).   

He almost fainted.  Did I mention that M. hates green?  ::evil snickering::    Feng Shui Fertility Links- 

About.com’s page on Feng Shui tips/cures for fertility

The Red Lotus Letter’s article “Fertility Feng Shui”

Another more in-depth article at Lending Expo

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